Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 62997 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 315(@200wpm)___ 252(@250wpm)___ 210(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62997 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 315(@200wpm)___ 252(@250wpm)___ 210(@300wpm)
And not telling that news—keeping the secret to protect my own privacy—is not only cowardly, it could cause harm.
I draw in a deep breath and exhale slowly.
So… how do I write this?
Cole
I pound three of my dad’s beers after practice. He’s passed out on the couch already, his beer gut hanging under his t-shirt and above his gym shorts.
I take a fourth upstairs to my bedroom where I collapse on my back on my bed.
Maybe I’ll drink myself to death along with my dad. Funny how I was working so hard to keep shit together, to keep food on the table, maintain a C average so I can play football, keep my dad from combusting.
Suddenly none of it matters.
School, football team, pack, family. I could give a fuck.
Meaningless.
All that effort I made to fit some role I prescribed for myself. Alpha-hole without a cause. Football star. Jerry’s son. Casey’s brother.
I didn’t even do a good job at any of those roles, but they drove me. Kept me in a lane I didn’t even like.
And now I don’t give a shit about any of it.
All I feel is pain washing over my body. From my head to my feet.
Is this what Bailey feels?
Is that what I did to her?
Because if it is, I want to punch my own face.
I should punch my own face.
I try it and succeed in breaking my nose. Blood spurts out and runs down the back of my throat. I don’t move from where I’m sprawled.
“Cole?” Casey knocks on my door and then pushes it open when I don’t answer. “Why do I smell blood? Fates.” She looks at me with disgust. “Did you do that to yourself?”
“Get out.”
She puts her hands on her hips and stares at me. “So what happened? Adriana’s pregnant and claims it’s yours?”
My hand closes so tightly around the bottle of beer, I crush it, gashing my palm with the glass.
“Cole.” Casey rushes forward and starts pulling glass out of my hand and tossing it into the trash.
“Is it yours?” she asks quietly.
“Fuck, no! I haven’t touched her in a year.” I give Casey a death glare.
She ignores it and continues picking out the glass. “But the hum… Bailey doesn’t believe you?”
I stare down at my mangled flesh, feeling nothing. “No. It came out that I’ve been with Bailey, not Adriana. And Dad was there. And Alpha Green. And I didn’t want them to freak out so I said all this shit.” I want to punch myself in the face again. I close my hand with the broken glass and squeeze, embedding the remaining pieces deeper into my palm.
“Knock it off!” Casey shoves my shoulder and pries my fingers back open. “What shit? What happened?”
“Stupid shit. Mean shit. That I was using her to get even. That my plan was to ruin her. What I used to think about doing to her before I fell—” I swallow. Fuck, it’s true. “Before I fell in love,” I choke.
“And then I walk out and fucking Rayne is there in the hallway and she heard everything.”
Casey’s eyes round. “Oh shit.”
“Yeah. So Bailey’s done with me. And I can’t even fucking look at myself in the mirror because of what I did to her.”
Shame engulfs me.
“I don’t know what to do, Casey.” I never admit weakness with my little sister. Never with anyone, except Bailey. But I need female advice right now. “Is this salvageable?”
Casey’s gone pale. Whether it’s caused by my patheticness or the horror of what I’ve done, I’m not sure. “I don’t know, Cole.”
Even Casey’s disgusted by me.
“Basically, you picked your alcoholic abusive dad over the girl you love. Good choice.”
I don’t even have the energy to glare at her. I rub my hand over my face, smearing blood and bits of glass across my jaw.
“Stop it.” She smacks my hand away. “Do you love her?”
My eyes suddenly sting. Memories of Bailey flash in my mind.
Her standing below my bedroom window, silently staring up at me.
The wonder on her face when she first saw the abandoned playground.
The way she cried for me in her car.
Her cinnamon and honey scent.
The trust she handed me when I didn’t deserve it.
Her willingness to explore a sexual landscape neither of us had visited before.
I was stupid to think she was weak. Or nerdy. Or deserving of my scorn.
She’s complex but clear. Broken but strong. So much more courageous than I’ll ever be.
I wanted to break her, but in the end, she broke me.
And I am fucking nothing without her.
“Jesus, Cole.” Casey sounds shaken by whatever she sees on my face. Fuck, maybe it’s the moisture in my eyes. “Then you’d better figure out how to win her back.”
I lean over and retch the three beers I chugged onto the floor.
Casey yelps and scoots back out of the line of fire. “Disgusting. You are disgusting. You need to decide. Do you want to rise above and win the girl back or use Dad as your role model and just throw in the towel on any kind of decent life? From where I’m standing it looks like you already chose option two, so yeah. Good luck with that.”