Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 61942 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 310(@200wpm)___ 248(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61942 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 310(@200wpm)___ 248(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
I closed my eyes, thinking about all the horrible shit I’d said while my kid was growing in her body at that very moment. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.”
“She gave you an out. Gave you a chance to walk away without feeling guilty about it.”
“She must have known I’d figure it out eventually.”
“But you could always pretend that you hadn’t. Could ignore it. Never have a conversation about it.”
“I told her if we ever had a kid I wouldn’t spend a single moment with it…”
Benton was as hard as I was, and even he raised his eyebrows slightly. “Then she did you a favor, Bartholomew.”
“I guess she did…” I stared down the street, spinning in free fall even though my feet were firmly rooted to the ground.
Benton continued to watch me. “Now you can really move on from her.”
Could I?
Benton slid his hands into his pockets as he stared at my profile.
“What the fuck do I do?”
“Move on.”
“I can’t do that to her.” Could I really abandon my child the way my father had abandoned me? Could I let her be a single mother?
“I don’t think you have a choice now.”
I looked at him head on.
“You made it very clear what you want, Bartholomew. She’ll know you’re only doing it because she’s pregnant—and that’s not what she wants.”
“Then I’ll convince her otherwise.”
“You’d be lying.”
If I abandoned her, she’d be on her own, juggling work and childcare. She might meet someone else, and that man would be a stepfather to my child. Probably wouldn’t love them the way he would love his own kids. My kid would always be second best—because I’d chosen to be a coward. “No…I wouldn’t be.”
27
LAURA
I sat on the floor in the spare bedroom, trying to put the stupid wooden crib together. It came with a diagram and a bunch of screws, but nothing made sense. Every time I put two pieces together, it immediately came apart.
I got so angry I threw the tiny screwdriver at the wall. “Stupid motherfucker…” Couldn’t the baby just sleep with me?
Someone knocked on my door. It was faint, coming from the front door and down the hallway. I wasn’t expecting company, and all my deliveries were collected by the guys downstairs. I made it to the front door and checked the peephole.
Bartholomew.
Oh Jesus. I stepped back with my hand over my mouth, never expecting to see him again. Why was he there? What did he want?
“Laura?” His deep voice came through the solid wood.
Shit. “I just need a second…” I threw on a sweater even though it was early fall, and I tossed all the baby stuff into the spare bedroom. I shut the door so he wouldn’t be able to take a peek.
Then I opened the door, visibly flustered, and came face-to-face with the man I hadn’t stopped thinking about since the last time I saw him. He was still tall. Still handsome. Still hard as steel.
We stared at each other, and I wondered what he thought about me. I’d gained some weight with the pregnancy. Not a ton, but enough to make my face fuller, my thighs thicker. The sweater would hide the small bulge.
He continued to stare, looking at me like nothing had changed. “Can I come in?”
I always forgot to invite him in. Whenever I looked at him, I was glued in place. “Yeah.” I let him inside, and then we stood together in my big apartment, an apartment far too big for a single person. But I wouldn’t be a single person for long.
He took a quick look around then faced me again.
My heart gave out every time our eyes connected. “How’s your…?” I gestured to his torso, where he would carry a nasty scar for the rest of his life.
“I don’t feel it anymore.”
“That’s good.”
“How are you?”
“Fine.” All my priorities had changed the moment I knew I wouldn’t be alone anymore. Nothing else seemed important except getting ready for the little person who would share every moment of my life with me. When Bartholomew had told me he still hated kids, I was devastated, and I’d sobbed when he walked out of my apartment. His rejection had hit me differently when I’d already felt the life growing inside me, a life he would never know. “You?”
“You already asked me.”
“I mean…with work…Benton.”
“It’s fine.”
Now we’d run out of things to talk about. “Did you come here for a reason…?”
His eyes burned into mine, deep and powerful, claiming me as his even though I hadn’t been his in a long time. “I came here for you. I want us to be together. This time apart…I can’t do it anymore.”
I saw the sincerity in his eyes, saw the man of my dreams pining for me, but instead of making me feel good, it felt like torture. “Nothing has changed.”