Total pages in book: 46
Estimated words: 43402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 217(@200wpm)___ 174(@250wpm)___ 145(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 43402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 217(@200wpm)___ 174(@250wpm)___ 145(@300wpm)
I did this to myself.
That doesn’t mean her saying she loves him doesn’t flay me open and make my throat seize when images of her in his bed flash through my head. I force myself to look at my brother. He keeps talking, not knowing the holes that his words leave inside me.
“I asked her about why she was so afraid—because she wasn’t a virgin—and that’s when she told me about the rape and how you took care of the asshole.” He looks at me, waiting for the rest. “She didn’t expand. She gave me the basics and that was it.”
“It’s not a pleasant conversation,” I say. “Maybe it was too hard for her to talk about.”
“Maybe,” he agrees. “But when we spoke about past relationships, she mentioned having fallen in love once before.”
“So? Hell, Blade?” I say, coughing up a laugh that isn’t funny. “I’m old and I’ve only been in love once too.” My heart felt dead a moment ago, but now it’s pounding in my chest with the force of a shotgun. I know Olivia was talking about me. I don’t question it at all, and still, after all these years, the knowledge leaves me raw.
“Which one? Did you love Mavis or are you in love with Ayi?” Blade asks.
I growl. “I didn’t love Mavis. I felt responsibility. I brought her into the club and the shit we dealt in destroyed her life, Blade,” I snap.
I don’t mention Ayita. I let him draw his own conclusions—as wrong as they will be. If I utter them, they will taste like old rust on my tongue. I don’t want to lie to my brother. It’s better if he never knows. Him knowing the truth won’t help anyone at this point.
Blade nods, taking the bait like I knew he would. “I’m glad you found Ayita and you can feel what I have for Olivia. It makes life worth living, brother.”
I nod, because he’s right. If Olivia had left my life years ago like I deserved, I would have stopped trying.
“Anyway, that’s why it feels like she’s only giving me half-truths. The man she loved… he’s still in her life and here I am—once more—with no name.”
“She wouldn’t tell you who it was?” I ask, doing my best to keep my voice normal.
“No,” Blade says. “She wouldn’t. She just said it was a man that was still in her life, despite the bastard breaking her heart. The asshole started something with her knowing he had a wife at home. He kept it hidden. What kind of fucking lowlife could do that to someone like Livy?”
“Maybe he loved her too,” I suggest, each word painful.
“I just don’t understand it. How could she want someone like that in her life—let alone call him a friend? Hell, she even said that she’s close with his wife now. I don’t get it. I want to find the asshole and choke the life out of him for hurting her and then thank him for fucking up. Christ, I’m a damn mess.”
“Have you seen her talking to a married couple? To know who the man might be,” I blurt out. Part of me is thinking if my brother finds out the truth on his own, then I can find a way to have Olivia again. Confess to her that I will always love her …
Blade laughs, a short rough sound. “No. Honestly, the only couple I’ve ever seen her around is you and Ayita. We both know that’s not it. You’d never destroy a woman as damaged as Olivia like that fucker did. I figure it’s one of the fuck-wads she works with.”
My chest collapses inward. My mouth aches to confess, to tell Blade everything and let the truth fall like a grenade, but I don’t. I can’t. “Blade, Olivia is damaged, you’re right. If you love her—truly love her—give her time. She’ll give you more of herself. It may take years, but a good woman is worth the wait.”
Blade runs his hand through his short hair, jaw working. “I guess you’re right. I mean, you and Ayita are a prime example of what love can do. I never thought you’d ever let anyone in after what Mavis did to you.”
Guilt presses against my ribs. I stand. The next words I give him come from my heart but hurt just as much as the other ones. I feel like I’m slowly dying. “Hold onto her, brother. A good woman’s love—don’t let anything stand in your way. If you do, you’ll regret it until your dying breath.”
“She gave me her heart, Bear. She told me she loves me. I’m not about to let her go,” his voice cracks with a kind of rawness that nearly finishes me off. “It may take time, but I’ll get her to accept my life in the club. We’ll make it work.”