Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 106003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 530(@200wpm)___ 424(@250wpm)___ 353(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 530(@200wpm)___ 424(@250wpm)___ 353(@300wpm)
It’s a complete failure, so instead of falling into blissful oblivion, I keep tossing and turning as the disappointing finale of our time together plays in my mind on loop. I come up with so many things I should have said instead of rejecting his invitation, but of course it’s now too late, and I’ll be burdened with this agony until morning.
I can feel my heartbeat in my fingertips.
I hate it.
“Creep? Are you here?” I whisper, my voice sounding weak in the absolute silence. I don’t know how much time has passed, but the moon is lighting up the night sky. I’m about to just accept I hurt him so badly he doesn’t want to see my face, but then it’s there. His voice—low but soft like the fur of a kitten.
“Yes?” he answers from under my bed after what feels like forever. When and how did he sneak in there?
It doesn’t matter.
Chapter 23
Creep
I told myself to stay away, at least for tonight. That he wants to put some boundaries between us, and that I overdid it today. And yet here I am, under his bed as if I sleepwalked in here. I worried he might have messaged me out of a sense of obligation, so at first I wanted to give him the space and didn’t answer, but I’m drawn to him so helplessly, so desperately, I might be the nightmare that made him toss and turn so much.
I considered pretending I’m not there when he asked, but he’d find me if he decided to look below, so in the end, I did answer, expecting him to kick me out.
He doesn’t shout, nor quietly settle back to his disturbed sleep. Instead, I hear his voice, soft and oddly choked, as if he’s going down with something. “Lie with me?”
“I… am here.”
An exasperated sigh. “No… can you join me in bed? Please?”
I press my forehead to the blanket he so thoughtfully left for me here. What am I supposed to say to that so I don’t sound fucked up? My mind searches for an answer to the riddle he’s presenting me with.
“For…? Do you want to pretend to sleep?” By which I mean ‘do you want me to fuck you? Do you like me fucking you?’. It brings up a whole lot of conflicted feelings, because I’ve been sad about his rejection, but I’d still want to make love to him. What does that say about me?
When he doesn’t respond right away, I’m about to burn down in the heat of my shame, but then the bed creaks above me, and he finally speaks. “I—I think we need to talk first. Come up here?”
Oh God. He knows he made a mistake and wants to break up with me already. If I run now, and he can’t do that, will it mean he’ll still be my boyfriend?
It’s stupid. So fucking stupid I slap myself to keep from slipping into the giant dark hole opening under me.
“I c-can’t. I’m where I belong.”
“Of course you can. Don’t be obtuse…”
“It doesn’t feel right. I don’t deserve to be there. This is fine. We can talk.”
“No!” Angel protests shifting over me in a quick roll. “I want to see you. And what is this talk about deserving, huh? Who gets to decide that if not the owner of the bed, me?”
I groan, because how can I even start communicating all of it? “I don’t know. You don’t actually want me there, but that’s fine—”
“What gave you that idea? Don’t put words in my mouth!” Angel says, and moments later, his head appears in the gap between the bed and the floor, hair brushing the wood as if it’s the most luxurious of dusters.
I feel like a cockroach getting a flashlight turned on it, and while my first instinct is to flee, that would have been ridiculous, so I stare at him in disbelief. “You don’t want me to live here, so I don’t want to impose, but also… I am here, so I guess I did a bad thing. Being here. Against your will.”
My eyes are used to the shadows, so I notice his deep frown even in the dark. “What? I did invite you to move in. You are still invited!”
Did he? I’m pretty sure he wasn’t happy with me. “This is fine. Can I stay here?” I ask with hope sneaking back into my heart.
“Can you, please, join me in bed?” Angel sounds annoyed that he has to repeat this request, and his eyes cut through me even though he’s upside down.
“You’ll get a headache if you stay like that too long.”
“Don’t change the subject!”
Do I want to cuddle his perfect body and nuzzle the back of his head all night long? Of course I do. But it just doesn’t seem like a legitimate option.