Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 69836 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 279(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69836 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 279(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
He deserves me.
I shake my head. “It’s my fault. This is very new to me. I wasn’t allowed to date in the past, and I might blunder again, but I promise that I’ll try my best to make you happy,” I say softly, and my heart constricts at the sight of the subtle change in Eli’s vulpine face. “And you’re not ‘clingy’. You’re lovely, and excited, and that’s hot.”
I can almost smell some of the cortisol leaving his body. He sniffs and rubs his face, but there’s no new tears, which reassures me. “Why were you not allowed to date? Were your surroundings that homophobic?”
I feel ridiculous. Of course a normal person wouldn’t understand. I’ve already lied to him about my profession, and it’s not as if anyone polices how much sex soldiers have in their free time. There is no good way to answer this question, and I shrug, feeling the weight of my embarrassment drag down my shoulders.
“It was… a matter of discipline. When I worked for Sullivan, he wanted me on standby at all times. I would only have sex on Fridays and was meant to use the rest of the week for self-development and training,” I admit, looking away from him. Living it doesn’t mean I don’t understand how insane that all sounds. There’s a reason why I’ve never revealed this to any of my hookups, but as embarrassing as it is that I let someone dictate such intimate details of my life, if we are to be together, then I want Eli to know.
He reaches for me from under the thick blanket and strokes my side with his cold fingers. As though I’m the one who needs comforting when he was the one crying his eyes out. “Oh my God… Cesar. That’s messed up. I didn’t know it was possible, but now I hate Sullivan even more. Why didn’t you quit? Did he have something on you?”
More than Eli can imagine.
Everything.
My whole life.
Loyalty.
The muscles in my face twitch, and I shrug. “I know this isn’t normal. But now he’s gone, and you are here—” I swallow, moving my gaze up his chest. “I was raised in his household. I didn’t really have any parents,” I add, hoping it would clear things up for Eli without forcing me to say in what capacity I worked for Sullivan, or how he obtained my services.
“I’m so sorry, Cesar.”
His touch, while cold, soothes the storm in my heart, and I find myself drowning in the softness of his big gray eyes. Something’s off. He and I might have only just met, but recognizing patterns has always been a part of my job, and he can’t hide the shift in his mood this time. “What is it?”
Eli swallows and won’t look up any more. “Is this why you… had sex with me? As like… a reward for what I did?” I spot a tear sliding down his cheek again, and I need to put out this new fire fast. Seems my Eli has some self-esteem issues that go deeper than I could have imagined.
“No!” I blurt out, cupping his face. It’s hot to the touch yet soft and sweet like a warm marshmallow. “You’re amazing. So tall, and slender, and you have that sexy low voice,” I tell him, swallowing when I run out of breath. “You’re so funny, always talking before you think, and your smell makes my cock so hard I wish I could rub myself all over you. I want to have you. And protect you. And I want to fuck you every day, not just on Fridays.”
I’m relieved that I must have said the right thing when a little smile appears on his lips. “You don’t mind that I’m gray? Doesn’t feel like fucking an old man in a young man’s body, like some kind of messed-up Benjamin Button situation?”
How can I not laugh?
It bursts out of my mouth, and soon I’m shaking with the need to shed tears. “Don’t be ridiculous. Your hair is like silver and gunmetal. It’s beautiful,” I say and pull him into a deep kiss.
How is this happening?
What are the odds that in a world so full of Sullivans and those who want to be them, I happen to end up with someone who’s anything but that. All sweetness. Not even a drop of bitterness.
I love seeing his smile widen and promise myself to be more attentive so he never loses that spark. Even his fingers are getting warmer.
“Or like a very hot pigeon?”
“I don’t fuck pigeons,” I say, and when the air around us sparks, my hands dive between his thighs and open them in a motion so delicious, I find myself salivating. “But I want you, and you did say I can have you anytime. If you let me, I will protect you, and make sure you’re happy,” I whisper, trying to rein in the intense emotion buzzing in my chest.