Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 100301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
“Wait. What? Ian…do you really think that?” Our eyes met, and my non-answer was all the reply he needed. “I love you. I will always love you. I will never leave you behind. You were my family before I knew I had any—before I had Aidan. That will never change.”
“I know.” And I did. “But, you’re moving on, moving forward, and I want that for you. I just…feel lonely sometimes, ya know? I can’t tell anyone that, not anyone other than you, and I’ve been feeling it more and more lately. I’ve been angry and bitter, but…” But David and Jordan helped. Somehow, what we were doing helped. “My own mom left me, and all the foster parents, and—”
“Not me. I will never leave you, do you hear me?” He got up, climbed onto the lounge chair with me, and wrapped his arms around me. We lay there, holding each other. “You remind me of Aidan in some ways. I swear, you closed-up men and your unwillingness to talk. I can’t believe you never told me you feel this way. I also can’t believe you don’t see there are more people than me who care about you, who you could talk to. Jordan would have always been there for you. David would have always been there for you. Even Aidan. He would take care of you too, if you needed.”
I stiffened slightly. “I don’t need to be taken care of.”
“Maybe not, but you deserve to be. It’s…nice. There’s nothing wrong with it.”
I nodded because he was right. “I’m sorry I’m emotionally stunted,” I said playfully.
“You are.” He poked my side. “Just don’t do it again. I know you’re afraid of being left behind—because of your mom and all—but, Ian, not everyone will leave you. Don’t use what she did to hurt yourself. You don’t see yourself clearly. I don’t think you ever have. You deserve more than you believe.”
“I’m trying,” I whispered into his blond curls.
“Good. Can we talk about the sex now? Like what do you guys do? Are you his sub? David switches. Have you dominated him?”
“I don’t even know. It’s so weird. I mean…I don’t dom him. There was this one time on his porch where he got on his knees for me and let me have my way with his mouth, but that was more to show he trusted me.”
“On his porch?” He looked at his groin. “Damn it. I got a little action going on down there.”
We chuckled.
“It’s…hard to put into words. I call him Sir, but it’s not full-time like you and Aidan. I don’t do the crawling and the serving and the household stuff. It’s mostly when it comes to sex or…I don’t know, we vibe it out. Jordan calls him Daddy.”
“Well, that’s totally not surprising.”
No, it definitely wasn’t. “We’ve all sucked each other off, but we’ve only fucked Jordan. It’s almost like there’s a hierarchy with us. Jordan wants to be all subby and spoiled and to obey, so David is always bossy to him, but sometimes, I get to be too. So it’s like Jordan is a sub to both of us, but then I’m a sub with him to David, if that makes sense? We haven’t done all the toys and the pain stuff you and Aidan do.”
“Wow…this is so crazy. My mind is a little blown right now.” Finley cuddled closer to me, and I kissed the top of his head. “Ian, promise me you’ll let yourself explore this, that you won’t run or keep yourself closed off.”
“It’s just sex, Fin. It’s not going to turn into what you and Aidan have.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I don’t want it to, at least not for me. I’m just enjoying it while we do it. I can see Jordan and David getting serious, but…” Did I think all three of us were going to get some weird, kinky happily ever after together? Nope. I couldn’t risk that, and… “I’m not as good at it as Jordan. I’m learning that I like it, but it’s harder for me.”
“David isn’t the kind of Dom to run from. Trust him. Trust Jordan. Don’t count yourself out before you even have the chance to be happy.”
Finley and I would never see this the same way, so I tried to think of a way to end the conversation. I didn’t want to get his hopes up. I didn’t want him to get my hopes up. “David wants me to do some volunteer work. He says I’m a caretaker and it’ll feel good for me to do something like that. I told him I would, but that was like a month ago, and I haven’t.”
“Um…déjà vu. I also didn’t think I wanted to go to school. Aidan pushed the issue, and he was right. They’re creepy in their ability to know what’s best for us sometimes. Aidan always says it’s his job as my Dom to make sure I do well in all ways, that I reach my full potential in all aspects of my life. I bet that’s what David is doing with you.” When I didn’t reply right away, he added, “I can do it with you if you want.”