Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 87439 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87439 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
“I’m not crushing on her!” he insists, and then we say our goodbyes and the guys leave.
I’m relieved they didn’t press about my weird mood today. I love my guys, but I don’t want to get into it with them. Not about this.
After my shift, I hop in my car and consider calling Mom or Dad.
I could talk to Dad and tell him about all the feelings that came up during my conversation with Ty. And we could hold space for the grief that remains from the great guy we lost. But instead, I pull up my last DMs with Ty on Insta, from last night after I got back to Alpha Theta Mu.
ME: Thank you again for sharing that. Sorry for having to head out, but hope you enjoy the rest of the party.
TY: I really appreciate your listening. And the other stuff too. ;)
Even with how heavy the night was, I smile at the thought of other stuff before messaging.
ME: Hey there.
I figure he might be at work, but he responds surprisingly quickly.
Ty: Hey, what’s up?
I hesitate, struggling with what to tell him. Been thinking about my dead brother all day because of our chat last night seems like a conversation killer, so I go for the next best thing.
ME: Not much.
ME: You ready to see me earn way more money than you for charity?
TY: You make more than me? Not gonna happen.
ME: Pretty sure it will.
TY: Depends. You gonna be wearing that G-string? In which case, I’d say you’re not playing fair.
I snicker. The fact that we’re joking around like we normally would sets me at ease, assures me I didn’t do anything to make him uneasy during our conversation.
TY: Speaking of which, not seeing any prank from Alpha Theta Mu. You guys give up?
ME: Oh, you’ll be getting it.
TY: Counting on it. Looking forward to being impressed.
ME: Have I let you down before?
TY: You definitely have not.
There’s a rush because I know he’s talking about the stuff we’ve been doing.
ME: Seriously, though. Before we just go back to normal, I wanted to let you know, if you did need to talk to me again about anything…and I do mean anything, I’m open to that.
ME: And also, if you don’t want to talk, I get that too.
The ellipsis appears, then disappears.
Oh, the cruel world of texting!
TY: I can think of some things I’d want to get together with you to do, but it only involves the fun stuff.
I chuckle.
ME: Could use that after the day I’ve had.
TY: You should swing by.
ME: Must get ready for the auction. We don’t have much time.
TY: Do we need much time? ;)
I don’t hesitate before replying: Are you at Sigma Alpha now?
*
I’m surprised when I find myself at Sigma Alpha.
But despite everything going on in my head—or maybe because of it—I want to see him again. I want to know he’s truly okay after our chat.
Ty greets me at the door in a tank top and athletic shorts. His hair’s a little tousled, and is it just me, or does he look even sexier than he did last night?
“Hey, man,” he says. “Thank you for coming over.”
“To enemy territory, you mean?” I ask, and my teasing makes him crack a smile.
He guides me up to his room and grabs me a White Claw. He sips on his own while I drink some of mine.
“I guess that was a lot for anyone to hear, and I probably shouldn’t have trauma-dumped on you,” he says.
“I don’t think that’s considered trauma-dumping. I made it clear I wanted you to share. We all go through shit, and it was a lot weighing on you. I can’t imagine not having someone you can talk to about that stuff. I’m the one who should be apologizing for rushing out like that.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Ty says. “You were great.”
“I could have done better.”
“I’m not really sure that’s true,” he insists before quieting. “Are you okay?”
There it is again. He knows something. I can see it in those bright blue eyes, set on me, like they’re probing into my soul.
I start to say something, but the words catch in my throat. I remind myself this isn’t just about me needing to get it off my chest. I don’t want him feeling so fucking alone. Because damn, I know how alone this shit can feel.
“Last night when you asked me if I was okay,” I say, “you could tell I had my own loss, couldn’t you?”
He nods.
“I’m still all in my head, whether or not I should tell you, but…um…I had an older brother.”
His expression softens.
“When I was younger. I was ten, he was twelve when he was diagnosed with cancer.”
“Oh my God, Lance.”
“It’s okay,” I say, but then stop myself. “I didn’t mean that. It’s not okay. It’ll never be okay.” I’m quiet again for a moment, struggling to find the words. “It was two years of treatments and attempts to beat it, and I really thought he was gonna make it. I think we all did, even the doctors. It was just too late, and…” My eyes water, my face twisting up, and I feel like I’m about to lose myself to emotion. “Fuck,” I mutter. “And now I’m the one trauma-dumping, and I’ve shared all that, and I don’t even know if it was a good idea.”