Total pages in book: 32
Estimated words: 29556 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 148(@200wpm)___ 118(@250wpm)___ 99(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 29556 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 148(@200wpm)___ 118(@250wpm)___ 99(@300wpm)
“The guard told us we could only visit you one at a time,” I said.
He shook his head but didn’t seem surprised.
Darting glances, restless fingers… I didn’t know where to start. Dad looked just as lost and uncertain as I felt, which strangely made me feel a little better. He combed his beard with his fingers, and my gaze caught on the tattoo of my name in cursive on his forearm. It made me smile to recall tracing the letters with my stubby kid fingers.
He cleared his throat. “How uh…how are you?”
“I’m fine—I mean, good.” I hated how nervous I sounded.
“School’s going well?”
I nodded. Hearing his deep, gravelly voice again was like listening to a favorite childhood song, one whose lyrics I couldn’t appreciate back then because I wasn’t old enough to understand them.
“Logan told me how well you’re doing,” he said. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Yeah, he mentioned that.” I managed a small smile. “Thanks.”
Awkwardness filled the space between us like invisible fog; I didn’t know how to get rid of it. I knew there were things that I needed to say, but the words had become lodged in my throat.
“I’m really glad you’re here,” he said. “You look beautiful.”
At first, it felt like a normal compliment. But as his attention dripped over me, I sensed that he was cataloguing all his favorite places on my body—places a father shouldn’t know about. My breath caught in my chest, drawing his attention there. He averted his gaze quickly, but the guilty look on his face told me I hadn’t imagined his interest.
Excitement rippled through me. My nipples stiffened. Maybe part of me didn’t fully believe that my dad had watched the videos. I needed proof.
“Can I hold your hand?” I blurted.
He blinked, like he wasn’t sure he’d heard me correctly.
“Of course,” he said.
I reached across the table and let him clasp my hand. The warmth from his skin seemed to radiate up my arm into the rest of my body. Something that had calcified inside me long ago began to crack. I suddenly remembered all the things I wanted to say to him.
“I’m still mad at you. You know that, right?”
“I do,” he said.
He stroked my knuckle with his thumb. There was nothing sexual about the gesture, yet I swore I felt a resonant flutter between my legs. But I couldn’t let myself go down that road yet.
“I’m just going to say this, and I want you to listen and not say anything back until I’m finished.” I paused to let my request sink in. He nodded. I continued, “I know you were trying to defend me back then, but you made the wrong call. You acted on an impulse and you didn’t even consider what the consequences would be for me.”
His fingers tightened around my hand. “I’m so sorry, baby—”
“I’m not done yet,” I said. He smiled apologetically. “I’ll admit that things got better for me after I left Eureka. Uncle Logan really stepped up. But I would have preferred to have both of you in my life. I needed you, and you weren’t there. I needed my dad.”
I closed my eyes against the burn in my sinuses. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to stop crying once I started, so I fought hard not to let the tears leak out. It worked, for a little while.
“Tell me that you regret what you did. I need to know that it hurt you to lose me, too.”
He squeezed my hand between both his palms. I swiped at the tears on my cheeks, annoyed by their presence.
“Ok,” I said. “I’m done.”
My dad sat quietly for a long moment, seemingly lost in thought. Finally, he took a deep breath and said, “I’m not going to lie to you, Hailee. I don’t regret hurting that nasty little prick. But I do regret getting caught because it took me away from you.”
My heart sank into my stomach like a rock.
“That’s not good enough. I can’t let you back into my life if there’s a chance you’re going to do something crazy that’ll force you to leave again.”
“Trust me, I have no intention of coming back here after my time’s up. Once I’m out, I’m out for good.”
“How am I supposed to trust you?”
I watched him watch my hand begin to slip out from between his fingers. He foiled my retreat at the last second, drawing my hand back to the center of the table.
“Listen, baby,” he said. “You want me to promise that I’ll never leave you again. But the truth is, no one can say for certain what the future holds. I can tell you that I’m sorry for the pain I caused you, and I am, so fucking sorry. I can say that losing you nearly killed me. Some days, I wasn’t sure if I’d survive my sentence because it hurt so much to be apart from you. That’s how the recordings started. I begged Logan for pictures and videos of you.”