Total pages in book: 260
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
The hot tears flow freely now. “Jay, please,” I beg him. My head starts to spin, and I feel faint. This can’t be happening.
“You’re going to stay here until we can help each other. Until you forgive me, and I forgive you.”
It’s like a spike to the heart to hear him talk of forgiveness. “I never blamed you,” I say, telling him the truth. I never once blamed Jay for any of the fucked up shit that happened to us. “I hated myself for leaving you. And now-” my voice cracks realizing what he’s become and how fucked up this all is. I should never have left him.
“You need help,” I plead with him again, my voice wretched. I wipe the tears away with the back of my hand as I remember John. How he looked at me as if he’d never seen me before in his life.
“I know,” he replies and his voice is raw and his eyes go glassy, but his expression is hard. “You can help me, and I can help you.” He tilts his head, and it pains my heart.
My heart tries to leap up my throat. I feel sick as my stomach churns.
“This is your new home for a little while,” he says. My heart squeezes in my chest, and I reach up to cling to Jay’s shirt.
“Jay, no!” I cry out as he grips my hands in his and keeps me from holding onto him. I try to move toward him, to beg him to let me go. My nails scrape along his wrists. “Jay!” My pleas are useless.
“You don’t have to do this,” I urge as he backs away and I nearly fall off the bed. My eyes search frantically for the door and the moment they do; Jay squeezes my hands tighter. He squeezes hard enough so there’s pain, but for only a moment and my eyes shoot to his.
My heart thuds in my chest, and the blood drains from my face. “Don’t do this,” I whisper, but my words fall on deaf ears. Jay turns his back on me and I scramble off the bed, but he’s through the door and slamming it shut just a moment before I can reach him.
“No!” I scream at him, pounding my fists against the door. Bang! Bang! “Don’t leave me in here!” I cry out for Jay as tears stream down my face and my voice goes raw. “Jay!”
Bang! Bang! I don’t stop screaming; I don’t stop pounding.
For so long I’ve dreamed of him coming back for me. I prayed he’d be safe.
If only I’d known.
I turn my back to the door, leaning against it as I slowly slide to the floor. My shoulders hunch and I feel useless, hopeless… worst of all, like a child again.
Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. Like I’m back in the past all those years ago. But back then, Jay was my shoulder to cry on. My protector. My savior.
Now, I’m truly alone.
John. I hear him say his name in the depths of my memory, I see the look in his eyes and my own pop open.
He’ll come back at some point. And hopefully sooner, rather than later.
John will come back, and I can use him. Tears prick my eyes, and my throat closes with emotion. I can’t do that to him. I’m consumed by guilt. I can’t stop having flashbacks of me running away.
But I have to try. Jay’s not well, and I have to get him help. He’s not okay, and I can’t just stay here waiting around. Not for Jay, and not for John. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Chapter 8
Robin
I open my eyes slowly; the light is still harsh, and my head’s groggy. The chill is starting to get to me, and I’ve only just now realized I’m still in my thin silk nightgown.
That fucking bastard. I clench my hands into fists and grind my teeth as I try to comprehend what’s happened.
He’s alive. Jay is alive.
That little bit of knowledge in and of itself is earth shattering to me. My head falls back against the door and my throat feels tight. My heart aches for him.
I struggle to breathe as I push up from the floor and lean against the door to stand. My eyes slowly focus on the room he’s put me in, and it feels like a spike to my chest. A sob tries to escape, but I push it down, swallowing it and refusing to cry.
It looks the same as before… like a deliberate attempt to bring me back.
I shake my head. No, this isn’t the same. “It can’t be.” The words creep through my lips as my shoulders quiver.
Cinder block walls yes, but the wall with the door is drywall. I blink the tears back, my eyes going glassy as I turn to face it and then the bed. It only has a simple frame with a mattress covered by a white fitted sheet and a thin white sheet on top. Only one pillow is on the bed, also white and still rumpled from where I was lying.