Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 105615 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 528(@200wpm)___ 422(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105615 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 528(@200wpm)___ 422(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)
By staying with him, I would be giving up a dream. He would not budge on this. My father would never walk me down the aisle.
“It doesn’t matter,” I declared after taking a deep breath. “I don’t need a wedding”
And just like that, I crushed on my own dream. For Jay.
Always for Jay.
Stella drifted off to sleep easily, as she always did, especially after he’d made sure to exhaust her. He’d taken her hard, to the edge, worshipped her, imprinted every piece of her body on to his memory.
Just in case. Just in case it was the last time he ever touched her. Ever fucked her. Though such a thought turned his veins cold and unleashed a carnal kind of panic within him, he had to prepare himself for that. For losing her. Because he was going to. Eventually.
Stella had darkness to her. She lived happily in his darkness too. She loved him for his wickedness. She smiled at him even though she knew he wasn’t going to smile back. She wanted her father to walk her down the aisle.
Her father would give Jay permission to marry his daughter if he asked. Even though he saw Jay for exactly who he was. Understood that Jay would never make his daughter’s life easy or fill it with joy. But he knew that Jay would protect her. With his life. With everything in his considerable power. He’d stalk anyone to the ends of the earth if they even thought about harming his woman.
Stella’s father was the kind of man who could see past all of Jay’s sins and understand that the most important thing was that his daughter was kept safe.
Sure, he might not be happy about them marrying, but he would give his blessing for Stella. The man would do anything for Stella.
Jay wouldn’t do anything for Stella. Couldn’t. As much as he wanted to, parts of him had been cut away—the pain he felt while trying to use them was much like that of some kind of phantom limb. It didn’t exist, the part of him that could give her marriage. A life that she deserved.
Jay woke me with coffee.
Then he woke me with his mouth.
We were laying in bed, music was playing over the speakers in the corner. The ocean was still beyond the window. Everything was perfect.
Which, of course, was what gave me a false sense of security. Which was why I let my guard down, let my foolish, romantic hope take over. Let myself forget who Jay was. What he was.
“You’re going to have to adjust your schedule,” he murmured.
I frowned at him. “Any why is that?” I asked with a bite to my tone.
“Because your hours aren’t healthy,” he said. “You are exhausting yourself.”
His hand moved down to cup me between my legs. I jerked at the touch, my body hungry for more.
“And exhausting you is my job,” he rasped.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head ever so slightly. “Here I was, totally ready to argue with you about my job and you not being in control of it, and I find myself ... unable to,” I replied, my voice breathy.
His fingers left my pussy and went around me. I relaxed into the embrace. “Good,” he said.
“Plus, I need to get rest while I still can. One day, when our kid is keeping me up all night, I’ll long for these days,” I smiled as an image of a small child with Jay’s dark hair and green eyes entered my mind.
It was an offhand remark. I hadn’t even meant to say it. It just slipped out, lubricated by my happiness, by the safety I felt with the arms circling me. The dark and thick film that love had yanked over my eyes.
Jay’s arms turned solid, the film ripped away.
Everything that had seemed so bright and soft was now harsh, dark, cold. Reality rushed in quick enough for goosebumps to raise over my bare arms.
Jay’s eyes changed. Not a lot, for most people. But significant for him. For us. Seconds ago, they had been tender around the edges, tinged with amusement, comfort. Parts of him that were slow to be revealed to me, but parts I cherished.
Then I went and opened my mouth.
Changed everything.
Ruined everything.
I knew it in that moment.
Jay pushed me away from him almost violently. Despite the fact that I landed softly on the mattress, I’d be bruised from that gesture.
Scarred from it.
I stared as his naked back as he got up from the bed, walking toward his closet without a backward glance. Like an idiot, I stayed exactly where I was, in bed, the one I was beginning to think of as ours. One that I knew in my bones I was no longer going to sleep in. One that Jay would never touch me in again.