Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
I choose not to answer his question, as it’s also too painful for me to even admit I’m a bit of a tragic figure, so I deflect. “Can I ask you why you decided to jump in feet first and be involved in my pregnancy?”
“I didn’t want to at first,” he says soberly. “I didn’t want to give up my lifestyle, and I sure didn’t want that responsibility at this stage in my life. I was pissed and I was selfish. I can’t speak for your experience, but for me…the most important thing in the world to me is my family. We’re so close and supportive of each other. Max was the first one I turned to, and he gave me all the reassurance I needed so I’d have the confidence to go forward. And I just realized that this little ’accident’ we had would do nothing but enrich my family.”
I wince as he uses the word accident, because he’s not saying it negatively but so I would understand it’s a blessing to someone like him. This helps me to understand his motivations better, although it’s a little hard for me to swallow that he seems so on board with this now.
“Don’t you have any doubts?” I press him. “You just seem so cool with all this.”
Luc smiles at me, and my breath catches at how beautiful his face is. “I’m still scared, Stephy. But I’m also excited too. I’ve always wanted kids and it’s just happening on a different timetable than what I expected.”
Not me. Not ever.
Well, until now.
“Have you told your parents?” I ask him.
He shakes his head. “I thought we should wait until after your first OB appointment. Max suggested that. I didn’t want to get them all excited, and God forbid something were to happen early on.”
I nod in understanding, and I’m insanely curious about his parents being excited over this. Their son knocked up a one-night stand. Why would that cause excitement?
But as I said, family is a foreign concept, just as it’s a foreign concept to Luc that I’m not close to mine. So I feel like perhaps I should enlighten him just enough so he knows that the only one on my side he’ll ever have to deal with is me.
“My first cohesive memories as a child are of Hilda, my nanny,” I tell him, and I feel his body lock tight at those words. I can’t hold his gaze, so I put a hand to his shoulder and stare at that. “I thought she was my mother for a long time, and wasn’t quite sure who my mom and dad were. They would flit in and out, pat me on the head, and bring me gifts, but I just didn’t understand what my relationship was to them. I can remember one time I called Hilda Mommy and she explained to me who my mommy and daddy really were. But as I got older, it became even clearer to me that I wasn’t wanted, and never more so than when I got sent off to boarding school when I was nine. Until I graduated high school, I spent most of my time away from home.”
“The summers?” Luc asks softly.
“I was enrolled in camps to keep me occupied while they traveled. Horseback riding, fencing…whatever rich snotty brats do, I was there.”
Luc shifts, settling his frame down onto mine, but still keeps his torso off me with his arms supporting his weight. “So you had absolutely no relationship with your parents?”
“They’d say hello to me if we crossed paths in the house, or they’d buy me whatever I needed. I had an unlimited credit card from the time I was thirteen. They founded a tech company together right after they graduated from college and they worked ninety-hour weeks. Then to compensate, they’d take month-long vacations without me because they were rich and could afford to. My dad was from money anyway, so it was just their lifestyle.”
“I don’t understand. What about holidays? And birthdays?”
“My birthday is in October, so I was always at school,” I tell him, and I begin to feel guilty as his eyes start to go flat. “At Christmas there were lots of presents, but no parents to open them up with. Just Hilda, who I’m sure is the one who bought all of the presents and played Santa Claus.”
“I can’t fucking believe this,” he says angrily, but it’s not in a way that he’s doubting me. He’s pissed on my behalf, and that disconcerts me. “You had absolutely no family? Ever?”
“I had Hilda for a long time,” I tell him, a fond, sad smile coming to my face as I think of her. “She had been my father’s nanny, so she was actually more of a grandmother to me than anything. I think she was close to retiring when I was born, but I guess she stayed on because she knew my parents didn’t want me. “