Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
A delicious shiver assaults my body and my hands slide up over his shoulders and then around his head, where I tug at his hair. He pulls back to look at me and I tell him, “I’m going to enjoy returning that favor to you.”
He makes a rumbling sound of agreement in his chest and then he’s pushing up off of me. Before I can even take a breath, he’s hauling me up into his arms and spinning toward the hallway. “Let’s take this into the bedroom. More room in there.”
“Then we can order pizza?” I ask with a sly grin.
“Then we can order pizza,” he agrees.
—
Much, much later, after I returned the favor and we ate pizza, after Luc put me on my hands and knees and fucked me from behind, and after we collapsed onto the bed, we talked and talked and talked.
It was becoming effortless to do that, and I wondered if that meant more walls were crumbling. I wondered and I stressed over it.
“You’re sure you’re okay with me going to your doctor’s appointment next week?” Luc asks me as we sit side by side on my bed sharing a container of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. It’s been a craving of mine and I’ve got it well stocked.
“Yeah,” I say as I scoop out a spoonful and pass the pint to Luc. “Why wouldn’t I?”
He shrugs as he takes the container, then grabs the spoon from me. “It’s just kind of personal I guess, and well…this is a casual thing we’ve got. I’m having a hard time understanding where the line is between the casual sex and being part of the pregnancy.”
“Huh,” I huff out, realizing that I really don’t know where the line is either. We haven’t talked about this in particular. Taking a deep breath, I let it out and hope to fuck this doesn’t crumble my walls further. “I think as far as the pregnancy goes, you were fifty percent complicit in me getting knocked up, I think you should have equal share in everything. So yeah…share the appointments with me. You can actually birth the child if you want, but point is…we just keep that separate from the sex part.”
“So pregnancy stays pregnancy, and on the other side we have no strings sex other than we’ll be monogamous?” Luc asks to clarify, still holding the spoon and container without having taken a bite.
“Pretty much,” I say as I nab the container back from him and he lets it go easily. Don’t get between the pregnant woman and her ice cream.
“Okay, we’ll try it,” he concedes, and I’m relieved that I don’t hear any hesitation.
It’s a gamble whether we can truly maintain this, but I suspect both of us are enjoying each other so much that we are refusing to consider this is probably the dumbest idea two people could ever come up with. I think we’re both sticking our heads in the sand at this point.
And as I lie here eating ice cream with Luc after the incredibly beautiful orgasms we gave each other, I realize I’m okay with that for now.
“Jules told me about your idea,” Luc says as he reaches across to take the ice cream and spoon from me.
I hesitate before I answer, because this idea of bringing kids and the elderly together is so personal to me that I’m not sure I can handle any critique of it. It was a gamble for me to reach out to Jules, but given her background in geriatric care, I’d at least know she’d understand the appeal of it. With Luc, I don’t know if he’ll get it. Moreover, I’m afraid he will think it’s a bad idea.
I’ve made some stupid decisions in my life, but I’ve owned them and I’ve done so with pride. Because for every mistake I’ve made, I’ve learned from it and become stronger. I’ve made stupid decisions and made mistakes because I’ve never had the counsel of anyone. I never had parents to depend on, no close friends, and when Hilda died, I didn’t have a single person to give me support or help me along the way. I’ve chosen to look at this as a benefit, because I alone have made myself into the fierce and independent woman I am today. And if I choose to think of my pathetic childhood as a good thing, it makes me feel less lonely.
I smooth the sheet on my lap, thinking it’s funny that we’re both lying here with the sheet over our naked bodies. Luc’s is pooled around his waist, leaving his amazing torso bare, but I’ve got it pulled up over my breasts. Here we are, having explored each other’s bodies intimately, and yet when the sex ends, we put our armor back on—physical armor like this sheet, or figurative armor like the way I am afraid to let anyone in.