Total pages in book: 117
Estimated words: 111676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 558(@200wpm)___ 447(@250wpm)___ 372(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 558(@200wpm)___ 447(@250wpm)___ 372(@300wpm)
Try and fail… I hated to admit it, but the turmoil on her face gave me hope. Hope that she’d been experiencing the same internal shitshow of emotions that I had. That she wanted things to go back to how they were but was scared.
Her gaze finally met mine. “If having you as a friend is the only way I can have you, then I’d try.”
“Jade…” I cupped her face, forcing her to hold my gaze. “You tell me how I’m supposed to be nothing more than friends with the only woman I’ve ever wanted.”
“I can’t….” She squeezed her eyes shut on a heavy breath. “Because I don’t know how to, either.”
“Then what are we doing?”
“I don’t know. Trying not to get hurt?”
I searched her eyes, looking for answers she still hadn’t given me. Answers I needed. “Tell me why you really wanted that break, Jade. The truth.”
“The truth…” She chewed at her lip, tears watering her eyes. “I was overwhelmed. I didn’t want to tell you about my dad and drag you down with me.”
I must have had one helluva confused look on my face, because she let out an uneasy huff, like she’d hoped her statement would have explained it all.
“I know you would have tried to help me. The same way you are now. Stealing stuff or dealing.”
I’d been stealing stuff since I was a kid. “Like that’s anything new?”
“But you’d gotten out of Dayton, Wolf. You had your ticket, and for the first time in your life, you weren’t doing any of that stuff.”
Because Dad had helped me out, and I had a scholarship. After he died, I was right back to hustling. Hell, I was the one who got Rogue into pills.
“If you’d gotten caught stealing or whatever, you would have lost your scholarship. You’d already declined the scholarship to UA because of me.”
UA had been my first choice for college. Their football team was ranked first in the nation, but Jade wasn’t at UA. When State offered me a scholarship, I accepted, telling myself it didn’t matter where I went as long as I was with her. Even Dad had agreed. “I didn’t decline it because of you, Jade. I declined it for us.”
“And I kept my dad’s illness from you for us. I’d never have forgiven myself if you’d missed your big shot.” She shook her head. “But I just got crushed under the weight of it all. I was insecure about the girls, and with me working all the time, and barely seeing you…”
“I never looked at another girl like that.”
She offered me a weak smile. “I’d turn up to those parties after work, determined to be by your side. I didn’t want you to forget about me.”
“I could never forget about you.” Not even when I wasn’t with her.
“I kept that up until my grades started to fall.” She dropped her teary gaze to the comforter. “I couldn’t let my parents go homeless, and I couldn’t fail school.”
I swiped a tear from her cheek. “I wish you’d just told me.”
“Me too. I think part of me asked for a break to see if you would want someone else the way I’d convinced myself you did. Like, I told myself I was setting you free from obligation. And then, the number thing—”
“It’s not your fault, Jade.”
“I didn’t tell Brent about Dad,” she blurted through tears. “He just saw me upset.”
Those last few weeks we’d been together, I hadn’t seen her cry. I’d felt something was off with her, had barely seen her, but every time I’d asked, she’d say it was stress from school and work. I should have paid more attention. I should have known.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” I grasped her face in both hands. “But I don’t want to be friends, Jade.”
A tear slipped down her cheek before she wiped it away. “I understand.”
“I want you.” I brushed my lips over hers, certain enough, but still tentative. “Let’s try again.”
She let out a laugh through her tears, then kissed me. And I gave in. Fully, the way I always wanted to with her. There was no halfway house, no protecting myself. All or nothing. Desperate love or blinding pain. This was the only way we knew how to exist with each other.
Twenty-Five
Jade
It felt like the universe had course-corrected and brought Wolf and me back to each other. Where good old-fashioned communication had failed, it seemed theft and blackmail had worked. Now, it was as though the last eighteen months had just been a bad dream.
Of course, that sense of levity couldn’t last.
After my biology class, I ducked into the girls’ bathroom. When I came out of the stall, a blonde with boobs bursting out of her cropped shirt stood there, arms folded over her ample chest. Cheerleader, if I had to guess. She had the vibe.