Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 102834 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102834 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
Aunt Nell was aware of my friendship with both Derek and Nuala, and though she didn’t exactly approve, she also didn’t try to guilt me into dropping them.
“Just so long as you don’t get romantically involved with the boy,” she said. “Falling for someone, especially a Balfe, at your age only ever leads to trouble.”
So, I’d lied to my aunt, telling her there was nothing more than friendship between us even though every time I was around Derek I felt like I was dying inside little by little. I yearned for him to kiss me like he’d done in the closet at his house that night, the two of us trapped alone in the dark. Sometimes I felt a burning energy from him, like he wanted me just as badly, but he never made a move. I’d never experienced a more conflicted mixture of relief and disappointment than when Derek looked like he might smash his mouth to mine but did nothing.
As the weeks ticked by, turning to months, exam time came ever closer, and so my stress levels rose exponentially. When that happened, Derek was always there to take me for a swim or an evening drive or even an impromptu tennis match. He was adept at distracting me from my academic stress, and I felt myself falling deeper into a pit of despair because I was hopelessly in love with him, but I could never have him.
At long last, exam time arrived. I managed to get through the absolute hell of it and come out the other end relatively unscathed. I felt like it had gone well, and I just had to wait until my results came out at the end of summer so I could know for sure if I’d gotten into my chosen course. Aunt Nell paid for my entire family to spend a month at her villa in Spain, and though I enjoyed the break away from normality, I also missed Derek like crazy. But he was working at his dad’s hotel in the city for the summer, learning the ropes, so it wasn’t like he’d have much time for me anyway.
I arrived home two days before the exam results would be released, sun tanned and eager to see Derek. His texts hadn’t been very plentiful, and I feared he’d found a girlfriend and forgotten about me. On the day the results came out, Nuala, Tara, Celine and I all planned on going into the city to celebrate. All four of us were now over eighteen, so we could go to a bar or a club, something we hadn’t done before. To be honest, I was far too focused on getting my results and hadn’t really given much thought to the celebration afterwards.
Mam, Dad and Aunt Nell came with me to the school, where an administrator handed me an envelope. We stood huddled together in the school corridor as I eagerly tore it open before my eyes frantically scanned the contents.
In an instant, everything inside me deflated. I read and re-read the results, hoping the numbers and letters on the page would change, shift into something resembling what I’d been hoping for. My stomach pitched violently when they remained the same, the paper shaking in my hands. It was the oddest feeling, but it felt like my heart was breaking. So much work and sacrifice, and all for nothing.
I couldn’t believe it.
By any standards, I’d gotten stellar results, but I was a measly ten points short of the predicted requirement for medicine. I felt like I was floating in a sea of disappointment. Self-recrimination reared its head. If only I’d studied that little bit harder, put in a fraction more effort.
All my plans were ruined, just like that.
My parents and aunt chattered around me, but I barely heard them. My ears caught fractions of sentences like, “could repeat next year” or “maybe study nursing instead,” but my brain wasn’t fully comprehending anything right then. By the time I started thinking relatively clearly, we were back at my house, and Mam had placed a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits in front of me as I sat at the kitchen table across from my aunt. Dad had retreated upstairs, as was his habit whenever something stressful was happening.
“I’ve been considering this as an eventuality, Milly,” Aunt Nell said. “The points system can be so fickle, you know? I even mentioned it to Edward.”
Edward was Aunt Milly’s second husband, and as far as I knew, they were still on good terms. Husbands number one and three were the ones who were dead to her. Edward was a surgeon at Great Ormond Street Hospital, where he performed lifesaving operations on children. Of all her marriages, it was a pity things hadn’t worked out with Edward, but both he and Nell were career people. Everything else came second, even spouses.