Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 102834 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102834 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
“I’m not exhausted. I was feeling fine this morning,” Dad argued, but Mam only pursed her lips together unhappily in response. Getting a man like my father to slow down was like getting a yappy dog to quit barking. Not easy. And even if he did retire, I could just imagine him creating lots of projects for himself. He wasn’t the kind of person who could merely sit still.
Milly continued asking Dad about possible symptoms before the paramedics finally arrived. She stepped away, exchanging a few words with one of them before she approached me, placing her hand softly on my arm.
“I can wind up the party if you want to go with your parents in the ambulance,” she offered, and I gazed down at her, memories of what transpired between us earlier flashing through my head. My mouth on her neck, how soft she was, her addicting scent. Everything about Milly drew me in.
“Thank you, yes,” I replied, and we exchanged a meaningful look before I had to leave. Only one person was allowed in the ambulance, so Mam stayed with Dad while I drove with Nuala and Tristan. All the way to the hospital, I oscillated between worrying over Dad and picking apart what I’d overheard between him and Milly. I remembered the few times I’d run into her aunt back in the day, and she hadn’t liked me very much.
At the time, it had baffled me because I’d never normally encountered people who disliked me so immediately without knowing anything about me. But I was more or less a carbon copy of my father, especially when I was a teenager. I’d seen pictures of him when he was young, and we could’ve been twins. If Milly’s aunt saw in me a replica of the man who’d gotten her pregnant and then refused to marry her, it made sense she wouldn’t want her niece anywhere near me. Was that what had happened? Had she told Milly everything that transpired between her and my father and warned her that I would be just the same?
I started to look back on those days, seeing everything though an entirely new lens. Every interaction with Milly was different now that I had this information.
Then my mind went to that day on the beach when I’d gotten down on one knee. I remembered Milly’s face, how she’d seemed so at odds with herself, more regretful than outright rejecting. And events before that day, how she was around me, the way she’d always watch me, then look guilty about it. If I caught her checking me out, she’d wear this expression like she was ashamed, and I’d put it down to embarrassment or shyness, but maybe that was only part of it.
I’d thought the reason she’d wanted to remain friends after I’d asked her to be my girlfriend was because she’d needed to focus on her studies. Now I questioned if that was even the case. Had her aunt spun a tale about Dad that made her feel like she couldn’t be with me no matter how much she might want to? Milly had always shown subtle signs that she found me attractive, how her breath would catch when we touched, how her pupils dilated when she looked at me. It was why her always keeping me at arm’s length had never made a lot of sense.
The morning after her Leaving Cert results night, when she’d slept over in my room and I’d dropped her home the next day, I distinctly remembered her aunt’s car being in the driveway. I also remembered the way she’d tensed up as soon as she saw it. Milly had thought I hadn’t noticed her reaction, but I had. And it made even more sense that she wouldn’t want her aunt to know she’d spent the night with me—even if all we did together was sleep—because her aunt had probably despised my father and likely saw me as just another version of him.
“You seem tense,” Tristan commented as we sat in the waiting room at the hospital. Nuala had gone in search of a coffee machine, so it was just the two of us. “Worried about Dad?”
I cast him a wry glance. “Aren’t you?”
“Of course, I am, but you seem more than worried. You seem … I don’t know, confused or something.”
I was confused. Confused and angry that Milly had never told me about my dad and her aunt. We used to talk for hours back then. Surely there was a moment when she could’ve brought it up. Then again, maybe she didn’t want to paint an unfavourable picture of my father. I’d always looked up to him, and back then, I’d basically hero worshipped him. He was everything I’d wanted to grow up and emulate.
“Has dad ever spoken to you about his relationships before Mam?” I asked, and my brother frowned.