Total pages in book: 135
Estimated words: 127390 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 637(@200wpm)___ 510(@250wpm)___ 425(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 127390 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 637(@200wpm)___ 510(@250wpm)___ 425(@300wpm)
I tilted my head. “My bravery? What, because I shot that bitch that was about to kill me? No. That was survival.”
His eyes clouded over as they did with any memory or mention of that day. No matter how it all ended, I knew he was haunted by how it could’ve been different. How he could’ve lost me. I knew that he was haunted by the fact I’d had to kill someone. I knew this because he’d told me. Kace was a communicator. If he was pissed about something, he told me immediately. Didn’t brew on it. Didn’t create a storm cloud over the house. He laid it out. Same with the things that made him happy. He wore it on his face. He spread it around the house. He shared it with me.
So yeah, I knew that the situation with Nicole haunted him still. He’d killed before. And he carried it with him in different ways. In dark ways. I knew that he hated how I had to carry it with me too. Or how he thought I carried it with me.
But honestly? I didn’t carry it with me in a way that haunted me. I guess I should’ve. Something in me should’ve been broken or ruined after taking a human life. Should’ve sickened me. Sure, there were a few nights I woke up in a cold sweat. Moments in the day when I walked past the spot where she’d died and something moved inside of me. Something cold, slithery, reptilian.
But nothing lasting. I’d saved myself so I could continue being a mother, friend, and whatever I was to Kace. I slept next to him every night. Had breakfast with my kids every morning. Saw my friends for coffee, cocktails.
No. Being alive didn’t haunt me. We were all killers in different ways. Whether we killed those out to harm us or killed parts of ourselves.
“No,” Kace stated in answer to my question. “Though that was fuckin’ brave, you defending yourself so I could be here right now with you.” His hands rubbed down the sides of my body, as if he needed reminding I was real flesh and blood. “The bravest thing you’ve done is to let yourself love me after what you’ve lost. It’s a gift you’ve given me, Lizzie. One I intend to treasure and nurture for a lifetime. Nothing less.”
Though something cold hit me at the thought of how short that lifetime could be, Kace’s warmth chased it away.
My book arrived the day after I told Kace I loved him. The day after I decided that I was ready to move on with him. To start a life beyond my fear. Felt a bit too much to be a coincidence.
I was glad that no one was around when the box arrived.
It gave me a moment. Or a lot of moments. I needed all of them. It felt heavy in my hands. And it was. In more ways than one. Most of the time I’d spent writing it, I hadn’t let myself consider it an actual book. I didn’t even know what I’d considered it. Something to keep me sane. Keep me connected to Ranger. That’s what it was, when it came down to it. It was our story. All of the good, all of the bad, all of the love.
I’d left one part out though.
A big part.
Ranger’s death.
I’d written how the rest of our lives could’ve been. Should’ve been. Wrote a gritty, raw, romantic saga. One that I wanted to read. For a while, one I wanted to live.
It was all here. Four hundred pages.
My publishers and editors had mentioned the length, it being unusually long, especially for a romance debut. But I’d been firm on nothing being taken out. I was aware that ‘killing your darlings’ was a common practice. Maybe I was making a mistake. Maybe I’d look back on this after many more books—hopefully many, at least—and regret it. But for now, I wanted it all in there. Needed it all in there. Our happy ever after had to live somewhere.
And it did. Right here. In the book in my hands. One that would be on bookshelves for the rest of our lives. I liked that. We’d get more time together. Even if it wasn’t in reality.
Chapter 24
Three Months Later
Happiness was a funny thing.
It chased away terrors and pains that at one time had seemed so permanent. Dulled the pain of scars that would always at the very least itch.
It left you unaware that the world did not have a limit on horror.
Which was what I got on a Wednesday evening.
Horror.
Of course, I didn’t know it at first.
“What a surprise!” I exclaimed, smiling at Gage and Lauren. I was so happy that I didn’t notice the looks on their faces. Yeah, even though I knew better, even though I had all of the monstrous experiences to show me what a trap happiness was, I was stupid enough, human enough to think my tragedy insulated me from further horror.