Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 73170 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 366(@200wpm)___ 293(@250wpm)___ 244(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73170 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 366(@200wpm)___ 293(@250wpm)___ 244(@300wpm)
But the need I feel. The stark, visceral need…
Tyson posed the question, “What if … hear me out… what if you need your mate to help your wolf function properly? Riley’s wolf pushed through and took over when he wouldn’t claim his woman.”
I countered with, “I have zero control over it. No recollection of what happens when I shift, but I know from the trail of blood, gore, and bones when I get back to this form that the beast in me is broken. I don’t know exactly what Linc said to you guys, but you know your wolf is an extension of you, your animal side, the part of you that connects you to nature, to magic. My wolf isn’t that for me. It’s a monstrosity. A rage-filled apex predator that can smell even a drop of blood in an ocean. It wants only to hunt and kill. I can’t let it out anywhere near your village. And I don’t know if it’d emerge against my will if I set eyes on her. I won’t take the chance.”
Tyson said, “Man, you have no idea what you’re missing with having a mate. These two can’t tell you. Yet. But I can.”
“I’d rather you didn’t,” I said bitterly.
“And Cicely, Jared…” Joel shook his head. “She’s gorgeous. She’s got a wicked sense of humor. She–” He stops talking.
I’m wearing my pain on my face.
“I crave what I’m missing, man,” I say in a rare moment of complete transparency. “I know I can’t take the chance that the woman who was meant to be protected and cherished by her mate gets hurt by the monster in me. So, I’ll protect her by getting out of here before something happens that I can’t take back. That monster doesn’t feel, doesn’t think. All it wants is blood, to shred and devour everything with a pulse. I’ve pushed it too far as it is. If I’d harmed you…” I stare at Linc and hope he understands how much regret I have.
“I know,” Linc says gruffly. “I also think maybe there’s a reason it’s her, connected to us. We all think we’re meant to help.”
“We’ll look for answers. Maybe there are options,” Joel adds.
Linc speaks up again. “So far, we’re seeing that Fate is intentional with this pack. And you’ve been drawn here. If there’s good news, if there’s ideas, we’ll call and run it down. Maybe you’ll come back. Maybe we can put you in the irons and bring her in to see how your wolf reacts. Maybe the coven has answers. I’ll have some conversations today and we’ll meet here tomorrow morning before you haul outta here.”
He holds my stare. We’ve been through some shit together and I respect him. I give him a lot of credit for respecting my privacy this long. He had to notify his council what was at stake after me losing control so many times in a row. He’s such a good fucking guy that if he weren’t already fated to find his own mate I might have tried to give him my blessing to look after her, to make her happy. I really fucking hate the idea she won’t have what she’s meant to have. She’ll never have kids. She’ll never have the connection she was meant to have with somebody. But it’s good he has a fated mate out there somewhere because the idea of giving anyone permission to lay hands on her makes me physically ill. Just the notion had me meditating hard to prevent a shift.
If it had been anyone but Linc, I don’t think I’d have been able to stop a shift at even the idea of her moving on with some other guy. It’s better she doesn’t know about me, doesn’t feel like she’s been robbed of something. Alphas are told from a young age what to expect. Female wolf shifters aren’t. Regardless of their standing in their pack they won’t know if they’re fated to mate to an alpha unless it happens. They shouldn’t tell her.
He wanted to know if I wanted to know about her. All I knew was her name and her scent. I wouldn’t let myself have anything else, as bad as I want to know. And Joel saying what he’s just said makes it worse.
Now I have to remind myself to keep slowly pulling in air: one, two, three, four – hold. Despite the knowledge that she’s gorgeous with a wicked sense of humor. Out slow: one, two, three, four – hold. And that she’s the type to pick a lock when she’s curious about something. Like I’ve always been. In: one, two, three, four – hold. It’s too much to know. Because it makes me crave more information. And that’s the last thing I should have. Out: one, two, three, four – hold. More information will make it even harder to keep the monster in me at bay. The less I know, and the less I think about her, the better for the both of us.