Total pages in book: 146
Estimated words: 136425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 682(@200wpm)___ 546(@250wpm)___ 455(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 682(@200wpm)___ 546(@250wpm)___ 455(@300wpm)
“Have you ever turned on your team?”
“I lied.”
“To protect your mother,” Big Tag argued. “Also to protect yourself. I wish you had figured out who we were and come to me, but I understand that it’s hard to ask for help when you’ve never once been able to. You were trained to be alone, to protect yourself, and yet time and time again you put your body in front of one of my kids or one of the kids I helped raise. Do you regret the bullets you took for them?”
Was this what having a dad was really like? Because his eyes were getting suspiciously watery. “Not once. I would do it again. Every time.”
“Are you with my niece because things with my daughter didn’t work out? Is Devi second choice to Tasha?”
Zach snorted at the thought. “Ian, I know this is going to come as a shock to you, but they are completely different women.” He shook his head and took another drink. “Tasha was a crush. She’s beautiful and sweet and infinitely competent. Like a man looks at Tash and thinks there’s a woman who could bring him peace. Love isn’t about peace. I mean it is at some point, I hope. But I don’t think I ever loved someone until I met Devi, and she is not peaceful.”
“So it’s all chaos?”
He shook his head and searched for the right words. “I’m not saying this properly. Probably because it’s new to me. How to explain it? My feelings for Tasha were peaceful. Like admiring a painting and thinking it would be nice to live there. I didn’t make a move on her. When she got together with Dare, I was genuinely happy for her.”
“And if Devi found someone?”
His gut tightened at the thought of someone else’s hands on her. He knew it didn’t make him a very modern man, and he would control the impulse to take out anyone who would look at her, but she brought out his inner caveman. “I would take him apart with my bare hands. I would tear down everything. I would… See, not peaceful feelings. And yet, when she’s close to me I’m more me than I am when she’s not around. When she’s with me, I feel centered and ready to deal with things.”
Big Tag held up his glass. “And that is how you know it’s right. I understand what you’re saying. The feelings, the love… In the beginning it’s all passion, but there’s an undercurrent, something deep inside that tells you this one…this one could bring you something you’ve never known before. Isn’t that worth fighting for, Zach?”
Did Big Tag think he hadn’t asked himself this question a hundred times? “For me, maybe. For Devi? I’m not a good bet for her. Shouldn’t I think about her first?”
“In all things, yes, but you also have to honor her and that means acknowledging that she has a say in this relationship, and the first and most important opinion she has is whether she wants to take the risk with you. You don’t get to make that choice for her.”
“She could get hurt.” Another thought that made him sick.
“Yes, and there’s no going back from that possibility,” Big Tag pointed out. “Huisman knows who she is and who she’s with. She’s on his radar, so the only thing you do by dumping her for her own good is leave her alone.”
He had to take that into consideration. His first thought was to cleave to the words like a lifeline. He didn’t have to give her up. He couldn’t give her up. It wasn’t safe. “And if she doesn’t feel the same way?”
Big Tag waved that thought off. “I know my niece. She wouldn’t sleep with you if she wasn’t in love with you. Oh, I’m not saying she couldn’t have some casual sex. She could, but she wouldn’t show you off if she wasn’t serious. You went on double dates with Cooper and Kala. She would never do that with a casual fling.”
They had never been casual. Not even the first night, but there was so much between them now. “That was before she knew the truth.”
“And she’s still standing up for you and telling me what I will and won’t do when it comes to you. Stop listening to the fear in her words and watch how she acts. Watch how she defends her territory. Her territory is you. Watch how she gets jealous when she doesn’t need to be. That’s on you.”
He’d seen it in her eyes tonight, known she got a bit tense when Tasha walked in. “Hey, I’ve told her I never truly loved Tasha. I told her it was a crush and I’m happy Tash is happy.”
“But you held out on sleeping with her because she hurt your feelings.”