Total pages in book: 146
Estimated words: 136425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 682(@200wpm)___ 546(@250wpm)___ 455(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 682(@200wpm)___ 546(@250wpm)___ 455(@300wpm)
“Yeah, I’m going to talk to my uncle about that.”
“Don’t.” The last thing he wanted was to get Ian in trouble. “Your uncle never forced me to do anything. I was young and dumb, and it all sounded like fun. Sex was a game until… Well, until I realized it’s important. Being at The Hideout taught me a lot.”
“There’s a lot of casual sex at The Hideout.”
“But it’s agreed on. Everyone knows what their partner is willing to give and what they won’t. Sex is talked about. I’m not proud of those nights I spent fucking someone so I could later on download their laptop.” He took a long breath. “And that’s why I didn’t talk about the job with you. I guess there’s a lot of things I’m ashamed of.”
“My mom always tells me shame is useless. Change is better. Acknowledge you did a wrong. Make up for it, and move on. Shame only brings you down.” She sighed, and he felt her hand move to his chest. “Zach, I don’t know that I can believe you when you say you love me, but it has also been pointed out to me that I might feel better if I did some of those casual sex things.”
There was nothing he wanted more, but there was only one problem. It wouldn’t be casual for him. “Let me guess who gave you that advice. Have you been talking to your aunt?”
“Do you understand how weird this is? We’re hiding from pretty much all the authorities plus a bunch of criminal elements, but I’m still talking to my family like I did when I was in college. Like TJ called and asked if I had mustard because he was out and my apartment is close to Lou’s work.”
That did not surprise him. “Did you?”
“Of course, and I had a bunch of sandwich meat that was going to go bad, so I’m sure he ate that, too, but he also watered my plants. It’s weird, and it’s starting to feel normal. I’m starting to not be as angry as I should be. I’m starting to be curious.”
A curious Devi was a dangerous Devi. Dangerous to his state of mind, to his peace, to his heart. “I’ll answer any question and I won’t hold back.”
“Did you love Tasha?”
He should have known that would be her first question. “I thought I did. But it was a crush. It was more about wanting to belong than anything else. With you…”
“Not what I asked.”
So they were playing this game. Well, he supposed it was a start. “All right. Anything else?”
She seemed to think for a moment. “Do you ever wonder?”
All the time. “About what?”
“What it would have been like if it had been you and not Cooper who was adopted? Or if Cooper hadn’t been and he grew up with you?”
“No. Never. I wouldn’t have wanted my brother in some of the positions I was in because of who our parents are.” There was a scenario he thought about quite a lot. “But sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if Alex and Eve had the option of taking us both. If I’d grown up a McKay. I played sports because it was a way to get out of my house. I liked being part of a team. Even if it was temporary, it made me feel like I was part of a family, so I wonder if I would have given in to my nerd half utterly if I was a McKay.”
“Because you would have been able to follow your interests since you would have had a stable family.”
“I love my aunt. Hell, I love my mom, but they were both troubled in their own ways. And I was a lonely kid. So I see how my brother grew up and I can’t help but feel some way when I think about what it would have felt like. I can’t help but be jealous of Hunter and Vivian for getting to have him as a brother.”
She shifted, and her head replaced her hand on his chest. “It was good. I only had one brother, but I had so many cousins and friends. I never had to be alone unless I wanted to be. I had a great childhood. I wish you had one, too.”
They went quiet but when he realized she was asleep on his chest, he moved his arm around her, cuddling her close.
He was content.
* * * *
Devi was frustrated. She’d basically told him she was down to do the dirty and he ignored her.
“He’s ignoring you?” Daisy sounded shocked. “Did you show him your boobs?”
Devi’s boobs weren’t as impressive as Daisy’s, so no. She had not. “I can’t lift my shirt and expect him to fall in line.”
And she probably shouldn’t, though Kala’s words had been plaguing her. She should use this time to get him out of her system, but he was not complying.