Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 145155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 726(@200wpm)___ 581(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 726(@200wpm)___ 581(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
“How many times?” I ask but he stays silent. “Josh, how many times?” I repeat…still silence. “So help me, Josh, if you don’t.”
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to, Natasha.”
“How many?” I sob.
He drops his head. “Three times,” he says quietly.
“Three times!” I yell. That’s it, I’ve lost it. I put my head into my hands and weep.
He pulls me into his arms and onto his lap. “Shh, stop it, please don’t cry.” He kisses my face continually as he rubs my leg. We sit in silence all the way home, me too heartbroken to articulate and he too scared to speak in case he says the wrong thing. We pull up in front of my apartment and he moves me off his lap. I slowly get out of the car and walk toward the front foyer area and he walks in behind me. I turn.
“Josh, I don’t…. I can’t do this…not anymore. It hurts…you just hurt me too much. This isn’t a healthy relationship for me. I can’t deal with this…baggage. You need to let me be.” I turn and walk off and he follows again without saying anything. “I mean it, Josh, go home.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not ending it like this, Tash. You can’t let this come between us. She means nothing to me.”
“Three times, Josh. You went back for seconds and thirds.” “It was before we kissed at the wedding. I haven’t touched anyone since the first time we kissed at the wedding, I promise you.” Can I believe anything that comes out of his mouth? I’m exhausted. I don’t even have it in me to fight anymore. I turn to walk inside, and he waves the driver off and the car pulls away. We get upstairs and I immediately strip off and head to my therapy of choice, a burning-hot shower. This was definitely not the night I had planned. He wisely doesn’t come into the bathroom but waits for me in the lounge room with a cup of tea he has made for me. I dress quickly into my favorite nightwear and join him. He smiles when he sees my flannel pajamas.
“What?” I frown.
“I’d never thought I would see the day, but your pajamas are kind of growing on me.”
I momentarily forget I’m angry with him and look down and smile. “I told you I would buy you some so we could match.”
He smiles as he hands me my cup of tea and he leans in and gives me a kiss on the forehead.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. I don’t know what to think: is he lying to me? Has he stuck to our agreement? Actually, what a joke. I had to force him to agree not to be with anyone else. Who am I fucking kidding? This isn’t a relationship. This is a fuck buddy with benefits. Actually, that isn’t even right because at the moment the benefits are a broken heart. I stand up and walk over to my kitchen bench.
“Josh, I need to ask you something and if you have any respect at all for me you will tell me the truth.” He swallows and nods.
“How many women have you slept with since you have been back in Australia?”
He shakes his head.
“What a ridiculous question,” he snaps. “None since you.”
“Josh, I mean it.” My voice is rising.
“Don’t fucking ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to, Natasha,” he snaps.
OK, I’m getting outraged. “Josh, stop it. I want to know.”
“Why?”
“Because it matters to me.”
“Why?” His voice is rising, and his anger levels are starting to match mine.
“You told me three times with that girl.” He scowls at me for bringing that up.
“How long are you going to throw that in my face?” he screams. Is he fucking kidding? Throw it in his face? I’m going to be throwing punches at his face in a minute.
“What I mean, asshole, is that if you were with her three times, how many times did you actually fuck her on each occasion?”
He narrows his eyes, finally understanding the question. “Fuck off, that’s semantics.”
“No, it isn’t, we both know how well you…back up, again and again. So, let’s see three times is more likely ten to twelve times in Josh language.”
“Fuck off, you just want to fight, and I have heard just about as much of your shit as I am going to take. It was before I was with you and that is the end of it. Stop being a fucking drama queen!”
“Drama queen?” I yell. “How many women, Josh?”
“I told you I’m not fucking going there. Now cut the shit or I’m leaving.”
“Fucking leave then!”
“Why does it matter to you how many women I have slept with?” he yells. “They mean nothing to me anyway, so who fucking cares?”
“Actually, I do,” I scream.