Total pages in book: 19
Estimated words: 18478 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 92(@200wpm)___ 74(@250wpm)___ 62(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 18478 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 92(@200wpm)___ 74(@250wpm)___ 62(@300wpm)
“Amon—” Joan gasps, looking past me. I turn and see something that causes my stomach to drop.
Alicia, peeking around the corner of the house, her eyes fixed on us.
I instantly let go of Joan and back off, but it’s too late. She’s seen us. She knows.
I brace myself, ready for confrontation. But to my surprise, she simply vanishes. A few seconds later, I hear the sound of the door closing behind her.
“Shit…”
“Oh God,” Joan despairs, slumping to the ground. “She’s gonna kill me.”
“No,” I say, quickly lifting her to her feet and cradling her in my arms. “Everything is going to be all right.”
“How? You have a plan?”
“Of course I do,” I reply. It’s a lie. I’m speaking before I think, but it doesn’t matter. I may not have a plan at this moment, but I would go to war for Joan.
Not my father, not her mother, not the convent—no one will take my angel from me.
9
JOAN
My knees are knocking, and my limbs are trembling as I gasp for breath. I’m outside, yet somehow it feels like I need more air.
“I can’t—I can’t breathe!” I stammer, stumbling over the patio furniture as I reach for something to steady me.
My foot catches on a fallen chair, and I start to fall, but Amon catches me, his strong hands gripping my waist like supports that go straight into my center.
“Why…why didn’t she say anything?” I mutter. “Why didn’t she do anything?”
Momma saw Amon with his arm around me—with me pulled up tight against him. And all she did was walk away.
That’s never been her style. She’s always shouted at me, scolded me, never been afraid to tell me how things are gonna be. The fact that she didn’t this time has me panicked.
“It’s okay, baby,” Amon says, his voice so strong and so unmoving. “Just breathe. Breathe.”
He sets me down on the grass as I hyperventilate. I look up at him, searching his eyes for the strength I need. And I find it. But there’s something else there too that I’ve never seen from him.
Fear.
No, maybe not fear. But he’s worried. He knows this is bad, but he’s putting on a good face for me.
“I won’t let her send you back,” he says. “Now just breathe.”
He leans in close, his lips just below my ear, and takes deep, strong breaths. I close my eyes and follow, matching his rhythm.
My hands grip the grass, searching for some kind of control, but it feels like the world is closing in around me.
“What were we thinking?” I mutter. “How could we be so stupid?”
I hear Amon’s breath shift and feel his hand roughly grip my chin. My eyes open as he forces my face to his.
“Don’t you dare say that,” he growls. “We belong together. You know that.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I can’t…we can’t…”
I leap to my feet, but my legs give out, and I tumble forward, knocking the wind from my chest. Gasping, I feel Amon’s hands on me, but I jerk away and race back into the house.
Taking the stairs two at a time, I sprint to my room and lock the door behind me. Gasping for breath, I lean against the wall, only to be shocked by a voice behind me.
“Desire is conceived, and it gives birth to sin.” I whirl to see Momma sitting on my bed, staring at me with cold eyes. “And sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
“Jesus, Momma—”
“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vein,” she snaps.
I’m about to collapse. My heart is surely about to explode, and my chest is burning. I snatch my water bottle and gulp all eight ounces in one go.
“He’s a predator, Joan.”
A tickling sensation pricks at my neck, like the legs of a poisonous spider. I shake my head, fighting back tears.
“You don’t know him.”
“A corrupting force,” she continues, her voice stern. “A test from God.”
“Stop it!” I snap, collapsing to my knees. I can’t hold back any longer. I start sobbing, desperate for some kind of safety. Some kind of grace.
“He’s your step-brother, Joan! I raised you better than this,” she goes on, her words boring holes into me like a hot poker. “This isn’t who you are.”
“What do you know about who I am!?” I gnash back, baring my teeth at her.
I’m scorching now. My guts are twisted up inside. If only Momma knew the things I’ve thought, the things I’ve wished, the things I’ve done.
She’d disown me. Maybe she already plans to.
With a heavy sigh, she gets to her feet and places a hand on my head. She’s praying for me, which only makes me want to lash out more.
I want to tell her that this is who I am. That I don’t need saving.
But even as I find the words, my lips will not speak them.