Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 89324 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 447(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89324 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 447(@200wpm)___ 357(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
As I checked out a Christmas photo of Blair holding Nicholas up as he sat on a shopping-mall Santa’s lap, I shook my head. “I still have so many questions.”
“Ask me whatever you want,” she said.
“Where were you when you went into labor?”
“I was in line at Target.” She chuckled. “My water broke, and I called my mom to come meet me. We drove to the hospital together. He was a week early.”
“And how was the labor itself?”
“It was twelve hours. Not as bad as some women have to go through. He was born at three in the morning.”
“Your mom was there the whole time?”
“Yeah. She was the only person I wanted in the room with me.”
My chest ached. “I would’ve wanted to be there.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“Would you have let me come in the room?”
“Of course. You’re his dad.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to hold your hand.”
“Well, giving birth was the easy part,” she pointed out. “It was the weeks after when I could’ve used you.”
“Tell me what it was like after you got home.”
She played with some lint on the couch. “Those first couple of weeks took a lot of getting used to. The breastfeeding wasn’t easy, but we eventually got the hang of it. As each week went by, it did get smoother. He was just such a good baby. Much like he is now, easygoing. I’m very lucky.”
“He gets the easygoing part from you.”
“How do you know?”
“Because my mother always told me I was a little tyrant.”
She smiled. “Did you tell your mother the news about Nicholas?”
“Not yet,” I said. “But I plan to this week. What about you?”
She shook her head. “I haven’t told mine yet, either. But I still plan to.”
“I hope it brings you some peace to talk about it with her.” After things went quiet, I changed the subject. My mind was all over the place tonight. “Do you really not remember what you wrote in that letter to me?”
Blair smiled. “I don’t remember the exact words, but I do remember I told you I loved you.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
She’d given me exactly what I wanted to know. And I wanted to tell her I’d loved her, too, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t toy with her emotions like that. And I had to balance my need for free expression with what was best for both of my children right now.
“Taylor’s friend Adam called me this week,” she announced.
Talk about a buzzkill. I’d been so comfortable talking to her, all the old feelings rising to the surface. But now? I stiffened. “Really...”
Blair nodded. “He asked me to go to dinner next weekend.”
I cleared my throat. “What did you tell him?”
“I said I’d let him know.”
“So, you haven’t ruled it out…” My cheeks burned. I couldn’t fucking help it. I hated being this way.
“No, I haven’t,” she said.
“I thought you weren’t into him.” My jaw tightened.
“I’m not sure. I told him I’d think about it.”
“What’s holding you back?”
“I don’t know if I like him that way.”
My blood pressure rose. “Can I ask you something?”
She looked up at me. “Yeah…”
“If we hadn’t found each other again, would you be hesitant?”
Her cheeks reddened. “You think you’re the reason I’m apprehensive about dating?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “From the moment I saw you at the wedding, I’ve been unable to concentrate on the idea of anyone else. It was the main reason I had to end things with Leah. So I’d understand if you felt the same.”
She swallowed. “Obviously you have an effect on me, Tate. You likely always will. But I feel like now more than ever, I need to try to move on with my life. If you truly feel like we can never be together because it will hurt Taylor, the sooner I can move on from any false hope, the better.”
“I thought we both felt that way,” I countered.
I knew in my heart it was best for her to move on. Perhaps if she were with someone else, that might lessen the blow when Taylor found out about us. But the idea of seeing her move on with someone else made my insides twist like never before. I might be too old for her. I might not deserve her. But I loved her. I loved and respected her now more than ever, knowing what she’d sacrificed because of me. Yet I also understood that sometimes loving someone means letting them go. Hadn’t I held up her life enough?
Despite the regret rising in my chest, I forced myself to speak. “If you ever want to go out, I can keep Nicholas here for the weekend, so you have some freedom.”
Her expression was hard to read, and she wouldn’t look at me as she said, “I appreciate the offer.”
I’d indirectly given her my blessing to pursue other people, ignoring every last thing my heart and body truly desired. But I couldn’t allow her to give up any more of her life than she already had.