Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 157162 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 157162 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
“You didn’t care if you lost.” I shook my head. “Because you’d win either way. If you won the hand, you’d get what you wanted. And if I killed him, you’d get what you wanted by default, I assume.”
Jasper didn’t even respond. His silence itself was confirmation.
I’d never killed someone before.
Not with my own hands.
Not that I didn’t have the stomach for it. I was sure I could do it, especially if it was my life for theirs. Especially if I was presented with the neck of a war criminal rapist like Chip Hollows.
But the opportunity had never presented itself. Even though I found myself in the employ of some of the most ruthless murderers on the planet, I made myself blind to that side of it—until there was no way I could escape it. I had always recognized the veneer of civilized businessmen speaking in veiled threats.
And my previous employer was not just a businessman. I’d known that from the start.
I was sure some of the work I did for them damaged lives. Maybe even ended them. That’s why I had stopped sleeping toward the end. That’s why I relied on uppers like cocaine to keep my edge and to stave off my conscience, which started whispering at me the second I made the first deal, then graduated to screaming by the time I was in too deep.
No, I’d never physically killed anyone, but I didn’t wear a knife strapped to my thigh for fashion’s sake. Though I comprehended that before things were all said and done, I might have to kill someone in order to stay alive.
“Then I’d owe you.” I watched the city flash by as the car approached the airport. “Because of course, you’d cover it up, get rid of the body, keeping some crucial piece of evidence, likely security footage, linking me to the crime.”
Again, Jasper stayed silent.
Fury licked up my throat.
Not at Jasper. He was acting exactly like the man I’d watched him turn into. I was mad at myself. For letting myself get so fucking deep.
But I couldn’t find it in me anywhere to regret the particular decision that led me here. It could’ve very well saved an innocent girl’s life. I doubted it was enough of a good deed to erase all my bad ones, but it was one that could quiet my screaming conscience.
Luck.
The fact that I hadn’t killed a man and wasn’t forever held in check by Jasper and his employers had all been due to luck.
That made me want to squirm in my seat. I was not going to let something similar happen again. Luck might’ve smiled at me once, but I was under no illusions that it would happen a second time. Only idiots relied on luck to keep them rich, healthy or alive.
Though some of my past decisions might’ve been morally questionable, I was no idiot. And I was no man’s pawn.
Resolve hurtled through me, newfound, and making me desperate to form a concrete plan to get myself out of this mess.
Not something that could be figured out on the short journey to the waiting jet, but I made a promise to myself: I’d never be in that situation again.
We had stopped in front of my plane, the stairs down and ready for me to climb in to get the fuck out of here, yet I still didn’t relax. It felt like my body was coated in a thin sheen of filth despite the shower I’d had at the penthouse Jasper had led us to after the game so I could change. I’d slathered my body with hundreds of dollars’ worth of luxury lotions, had put on a custom-tailored pantsuit… I looked like myself. Yet I felt worse than ever. Had it always been this way? Had I not noticed? Had I not cared?
I resisted the urge to lurch out of the car. I looked at Jasper—the picture of composure, of cold, handsome cruelty. He was watching me as he had been the entire ride.
He didn’t speak, though. Whatever was going through his head, he wasn’t going to share. Not unless I asked. He’d always given me what I asked. As long as I was willing to pay the price for that knowledge.
“Did you know?” I asked him, my hand on the door handle.
Jasper didn’t question what I meant. His brow arched a millimeter, but otherwise, his face remained an indifferent mask.
“Did you know Gregory was sending someone to…” My mind sank down into the memory I didn’t want to think about. I drew in a deep breath as I remembered who the fuck I was and looked him square in the eye. “Did you know he was sending someone to beat and rape me in order to scare me into submission?”
His expression didn’t change, nor did he recoil at the ugly words. Outwardly, he did not appear to be bothered, but that was not an indicator of anything. I would’ve liked to think his history with me would’ve caused him some kind of ire. But he was not protective over me. He didn’t think it was his job to shield me from the horrors of the world. If anything, he considered it his duty to shove them upon me like a plague, just to see how I’d survive them. To ensure I’d become immune, just like him, and so there was no one else for me to turn to.