Total pages in book: 64
Estimated words: 61248 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 306(@200wpm)___ 245(@250wpm)___ 204(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61248 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 306(@200wpm)___ 245(@250wpm)___ 204(@300wpm)
In every way.
“Coffee would be great,” I finally say.
She pushes to her feet, her lips curved in a tiny smile, and when she walks by me, I can’t seem to let her pass me by. I stand and catch her to me. “You make me think about things on a different level, Sofia. And I like it.”
“My mother used to say that a hundred people can say ‘hello,’ and you never give them a second look or thought, but then there is someone who shows up and just speaks your language. Then you stop and see them. You hear what they say. If I make you think, it’s because you’re listening. I don’t know why I’m that person for you right now, Ethan, but I’m honored to be that, even for a small slip of time. But maybe you need to find a way to be that person for your dad, and I don’t think that happens by you talking. I think it happens by you getting him to talk while you listen. If that means shouting at each other first, then shout. If that means drinking a bottle of whiskey together, drink the bottle. Just get him to open up.” She pushes to her toes and kisses my cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
I let her slip away from me, the scent of her floral perfume lingering with me, the way everything about her lingered with me when she left New York this last time. It’s then that I replay what she’d said to me a few moments before: I’m honored to be that, even for a small slip of time. Everything between us is temporary to her, and I don’t know how to fix that, but it’s damn sure not by going to a hotel room. It’s being here and present. It’s keeping her close. I decide she might need help with that coffee and head to the kitchen. But as I round the corner and bring the kitchen and Sofia into view, I find her facing the counter, her hands pressed to the hard surface, her chin dipped low, her torment cutting.
“Sofia,” I say, stepping toward her.
She whirls to face me and points, holding me back. “Wait. I need to say something to you.”
I don’t want to stop. I want to pull her close. I want to hold her, but I stop walking. I give her just enough space to satisfy her demand. “Talk to me. Am I pushing too fast?”
“No. No. But you do know I’m the worst possible match for you, right?”
“And why is that, baby? Because you don’t feel like the wrong match at all. You feel really damn right.”
“And you know why? They say we’re creatures of habit. People who are abused by parents marry people who abuse them the same way. We radiate to what we know. Your father is screwed up in the head over your mother. I’m screwed up in the head.”
“You are not like my father.”
“In more ways than you realize, Ethan. I’m afraid of caring for you and losing you. If I don’t care, I can’t lose you. And while I can say this right now and know I need to fix it, I don’t fix it, Ethan. And you might be, too. Maybe you drove away Anna because you have commitment issues.”
“Funny you say that, because I was just comparing you to her.”
Her arms fold in front of her, a barrier I reject. I step closer and settle my hands on her shoulders. “I chose her because she was easy to keep at a distance. I couldn’t do that with you the night I met you, let alone now. You are not her. And I’m clearly fucked up, too, but as you said, you make me want to do more than talk. I want to listen. I want to know you. We can heal together.”
“What if we destroy each other instead, Ethan?”
“What if we don’t? How are we going to know if we don’t try?” I cup her face and tilt her gaze to me. “There has been no one but you I wanted to try with, but it takes us both to do this, Sofia. Try with me. I want you to try with me.”
Her arms untangle, and her hands settle on my chest, a small win in tearing down her walls. “I’m going to try to run again. I won’t mean to, but in the moment, it will feel necessary. It’ll push you away.”
“No. I’ll run right after you.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah, baby. I promise. Now let’s make that coffee and talk about Paris.”
“I’d like that.”
I kiss her forehead and wonder how anyone can feel this necessary this fast, when no one else but Sofia has felt necessary at all.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sofia
We end up sitting on the floor in front of my coffee table, drinking coffee and eating a batch of sugar cookies Lily made me to celebrate the Zoey brand. And talking. A lot. About everything. It’s surreal in so many ways. It’s almost as if we were supposed to meet when he met with my father, and it didn’t happen, so the universe found another way. The money thing is starting to matter less and less.