Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 78155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
I’d expected to get fucked in it—not dumped.
Luca was clearly uncomfortable in his tux because he went to his bedroom first to get it off.
That gave me a couple minutes to breathe.
When he came back, he was just in his sweatpants, looking exactly the same as when we hardly knew each other, when he was the king of this fortress and I was just a servant. He dropped onto the edge of the couch, arms on his knees, and he rubbed his palms together for a second, as if mentally preparing himself for what was about to ensue.
I wanted to die.
He eventually sat back on the couch and looked at me.
I was frozen by that stare. Broken by it.
“Something you should know about me…” He spoke with absolute calm—and that was somehow more terrifying. “Lie to me, and you’re dead to me. I don’t forgive, and I don’t forget. Second chances are always a mistake. Those are the headlines.” He turned quiet, his stare continuing to burn into my face.
Now, it was my turn to talk.
I soaked in my own sweat. Choked on my own breath. Wanted to cry and scream and run all at once. I was pretty certain that no matter what I said or how I said it, this relationship was over. So I just came clean. “I told you I was eighteen when my family was killed. Just a kid, if you ask me. I had nowhere to go and nowhere to turn, so I…” I swallowed, ashamed of this part of my past, a past that I’d hoped would stay buried. But now it’d been exhumed for everyone to dissect and judge. “Became a woman of the night…” I felt my eyes start to water out of pure humiliation.
Luca’s expression didn’t change.
“My first time was with a client. That was how I got by through my early twenties…until the Oath found me, even though I didn’t work under my real name. That was how I met Carvel.” My eyes left Luca’s because I couldn’t meet his stare. “He was one of my regulars.”
I didn’t know what his reaction was, and I didn’t want to know.
The silence stretched between us. Longer and longer. Heavier and heavier.
“I wouldn’t describe it as a relationship, but we did see each other outside of work sometimes. The last time I saw him was four years ago. When the Oath found me, I had to start over and change my number and all that, so he probably thought I ghosted him.” And no man liked having his ego bruised like that. That was probably why he was so uncomfortable at the sight of me. Or maybe he was disgusted that his friend was in a relationship with a former whore.
The silence continued.
I felt the crack in my chest. The tears that began to break the dam. I just wanted to leave and take whatever little dignity I had left. “I did what I had to do to survive. I’m not proud of what I did, but I’m not ashamed of it either. But I understand why this won’t work.” I still wouldn’t look at him. Couldn’t look at that beautiful man who’d taken my heart and say goodbye.
“I used to push drugs on the street. I broke the law every day before the Fifth Republic. I see no difference between us. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
Shocked by what he said, I flicked my eyes back to his.
“Don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than.”
My eyes watered, not because I was heartbroken, but because he washed me clean. Free of the judgment of a lesser man, I felt pure. A tear rolled along my nose and splashed on my dress.
“Did you have feelings for Carvel?”
My joy was swept away like dust by a broom. “I was attracted to him, and I enjoyed his company.” I told the truth even though it hurt, even though it made me feel sick. My life at Maxine’s wasn’t the issue. It was my connection to one of his close friends. They probably had a code about that sort of thing.
If he was jealous or angry, he didn’t show it.
“But it was never anything close to what we have.”
His eyes dropped.
“He was a fun distraction, but you’re so much more.”
He rubbed his palms together again.
“We went to dinner one time. I slept over at his place once in a while. It was casual, from beginning to end. Once I fled the Oath, I never thought about contacting him to let him know what happened to me. That was how casual it was…at least for me.” Carvel was a really good-looking guy with muscles and ink and that don’t-give-a-fuck attitude, but there was never an attachment. There was never the deep-rooted desperation that I felt for Luca.