Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 92070 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92070 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Chapter Twenty-Nine
DARE
I'm not ready to hear the answer, whatever it is, but I stay strong.
Val picks up a tube of cinnamon-flavored lube. "Wouldn't this hurt?"
"It might burn."
"And that's desirable?"
"Increases sensation," I say.
"Like one of those warming lubes?" she asks.
"How do you know about those?"
Her eye corners turn down, but she doesn't answer directly. There's something there. A hurt she doesn't want to discuss. "Do you remember the day your dad took us to the drug store to look at condoms?"
"I tried to forget that," I say.
"He looked at us like he was sure we were already having sex. Then he went into detail on every single type of condom. Latex, plastic, lambskin."
"Prevents pregnancy, but it's not a good idea with a girl who's easy." Fuck, I hate my dad.
"And he looked at me like, obviously, I wasn't one of those girls." She relays the facts without commentary or frustration.
"That was fucked up," I say.
"Yeah, but he wasn't my dad." She sets the lube down. "I don't really think about that, often, how much he must have fucked up your relationship to sex."
She's deflecting, but I don't call her on it. "I don't remember the part about warming lube."
"No? Really?" She laughs. "After he finished with the condoms, he moved onto the aids. Some of it was great, responsible stuff, the reminder to use water-based lubes with latex, to use enough lube. Because otherwise the condom will break."
"He didn't say anything disgusting about wet pussy?"
"Not in front of me. He was almost gentlemanly, talking about how medication and age can leave a woman dry. Or if you've been going for hours, 'cause 'the body can't always take as much as the spirit.'"
"Fuck me."
Her laugh is awkward. "Then he picks up the cooling lube and he says, 'this is fun if you want to go for ages, but it can be too much for women sometimes.'"
"I'm surprised he realized that was possible."
"Can I admit something?"
"Of course," I say.
"I got the sense he's pretty skilled. He seemed like he understood the emotional and physical mechanics."
"Yeah, like pretending he's in love so a woman fucks him."
"He's an asshole, yes, but he might be an asshole who knows how to satisfy."
"I can't believe you just said that."
"Me either." She looks up at me. "Do you hate me?"
"How could I ever hate you?"
"For defending your dad?" There's more there, something she isn't saying.
But it doesn't matter. Whatever it is, I could never hate her.
"I value your honesty, even when it's not what I want to hear."
"Right."
"You're always honest with me."
Val smooths her jeans. "Usually." She slides her hand into her pocket. "I should tell you this."
"Anything."
She's about to say it. Whatever happened with Archie last night.
"This stuff." She looks at the cinnamon lube. "I can't stand the sight of it."
Huh?
"The guy… he had that. The condom he used. It was one of those warming ones."
The guy. All at once, the tension in my body shifts. I hate the thought of Val with Archie, but I want this for her so fucking badly. I want her to move on, to get over it, to feel good again.
She shifts into the story. Her voice softens. Her body too. "He was in one of my film classes." She's scared and vulnerable.
I need to shut the fuck up and listen.
"We got put together in this group project. The two of us and a few other people. Everyone else was trying to stay on track, finding examples of… I don't even remember. Two person scenes, I think. One of the other guys sent this really awkward sex scene. And when he walked me home, the guy, he said he couldn't believe how bad it was. I kinda laughed, like really? It didn't seem so bad to me. But he said no, sex shouldn't be like that. Sex should be intimate and loving. He… he seemed so much like he got it, like he would be a caring partner."
I hate the asshole.
"We talked about that a little. That night. And then, at a party. About our favorite sex scenes in movies, the ones that really seemed sensual. All the good ones. Lust, Caution and Body Heat. And even Before Sunrise, which isn't explicit. We barely see them kiss. But we feel that charge, the whole movie. And I thought… I don't know. Was it stupid I trusted him?"
"No." There's so much more I want to say, but no is a start.
"He recommended this French movie, as a perfect movie about sex and love, and it sounded interesting, so we went to his room and watched it. It was only after… we kissed there. Touched a little." She looks to the ground. "I was scared, yeah, but I wanted to… All of that, I wanted it."
"Okay."
"But, after, I felt dizzy, like we were moving too fast. I told him and he said no problem. We went out again. He walked me home, back to my dorm room, and when he realized my roommate was out, he invited himself in. That seemed okay too. He was respecting my speed. We watched a movie on my bed. And, yeah, we were close, but we were just watching. Then… after…" She takes a deep breath and lets out a slow exhale. "We started kissing. I reminded him about going slow and he said, sure, but he unzipped my jeans anyway. And when I protested, he told me I didn't want slow. I wanted this. He knew I was just playing coy."