Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 93936 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93936 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Elle’s water broke. Finish the set. Jet will be waiting.
This time, I ride to the airport by myself. I thought about asking Justine to come with me, at least to the airport, but her absence from the after-show dinner one of our sponsors set up for us would look rather suspicious. I already feel like I’m being securitized by Keane and with good measure. Mixing romance and work is never a smart thing to do, especially in this business. Relationships can go south so damn fast, and then what. It would be one thing if Justine didn’t have the same manager, but she does, which makes whatever is going on between us even more dangerous . . .
. . . nah, it’s not danger. It’s playing with fire. It’s taking a lit match to a can of gasoline and seeing how high Justine and I can make the flame. So no, not dangerous.
It’s deadly.
And I should walk away before either of dig a trench so deep a ladder won’t help us get out of the hole.
Walking away is the smartest thing to do. This is one of those life lessons: where you finally realize you can’t have everything you want. At one point in my life, I wanted Nola. I thought she was my everything, my reason for being who I am as a person and a musician. She was my muse or I thought she was. It took this tour to show me how wrong I was.
Actually, how wrong she was for me.
I wasn’t wrong for falling in love with her and asking her to marry me. Deep down, I truly believe she and I had to happen for a reason. Someday, I’ll wake up and know the reason. Right now, though, I’m not sad we’re over. I suppose maybe a part of me should miss her, but I don’t, and that’s because of Justine.
From the moment the tour started Justine was there, by my side. She sensed things weren’t right and instead of probing or pushing me to talk about my feelings, she supported me. Justine offered me a shoulder to cry on. She gave me something to look forward to every night when we’d perform together.
It’s not that I feel like I owe her a chance to be with me.
It’s that I owe myself a chance to be with her.
I owe myself a chance to not feel like I’m walking on eggshells. That’s how Nola made me feel, especially the last handful of months before she did us a favor and left me. Every time we were together, mostly with my family, it was like I had to be on my best behavior, that no matter what I did, she was mentally tsking my actions.
Never mind any time we ever spent with her parents, which was never. She didn’t have to tell me they didn’t approve of me. Toward the end, any time I would suggest we set a date to get married, I saw it on her face. It’s too bad she couldn’t say the words and save us all the trouble of pretending. Nola was never going to choose me over them.
And I would’ve never chosen her over mine.
Maybe we were doomed from the start.
“Mr. James, your plane is landing now,” the flight attendant said as he pointed out the windshield. “Is there anything else I can do for you this evening?”
“No thank you. Do you know if my manager took care of your fees?”
“Yes, sir. I’m paid.”
I nod and exit the car with my duffel slung over my shoulder. One of the benefits of going home is knowing my mom will do my laundry and likely restock all my clothing. Although, she’s probably not going to want to leave the twins with their babies.
But then again, if I remind her, her first son needs new boxers . . . who am I fooling. My mom isn’t going to leave and go shopping. She’ll have everything ordered, in three sizes, and send whatever doesn’t fit back.
As the plane taxis down the runway, I scroll through my phone. Mostly watching TikTok videos and having a minor panic attack when I realize Christmas is in a few days and I haven’t bought my family any gifts. I have no idea what to get any of them. What do you buy people who have everything? I type the words “Christmas gift” into the search bar of the app and look through videos of what people are buying, have bought, or bought last year. There is one thing that sparks a bit of interest for the women in my life. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pull it off, but I’m going to try like hell.
The men in my life are another story.
What do you get two, aging rockers, who are hell bent on one upping each other in the grandparent department? As soon as I have the thought, I know exactly what I’m getting them and close the app to open my email to send a request to the merch company Sinful Distraction uses. Even though it’s short notice, I know they’ll come through for me.