Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87015 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 435(@200wpm)___ 348(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87015 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 435(@200wpm)___ 348(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
They were right, but damn, it was hard. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to put myself out there; fucking my way through life was a lot easier than this.
But that wasn’t true, was it? Because then I couldn’t have Parker, and there was nothing more important than him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Parker
It was evening by the time I was sitting in my car in front of Dad’s house. After Elliott left, I’d pulled myself together, gone to my apartment with my friends, and then fallen apart again. The guys had been there with me, like they always were, and as much as I loved them, I’d wanted it to be Elliott.
I always wanted it to be Elliott.
And I would never forgive myself for hurting him. Or for hurting Cat and Malcolm, for that matter. I was going to find a way to fix this, but I didn’t have it in me tonight. I was so tired, my emotions all over the place, feeling too many things to focus on just one.
For whatever reason, I’d wanted my dad. I was too old for that, and maybe it didn’t make much sense, but I needed to talk to him, and I needed to come clean.
Lights were on in the house as I got out of my car. I didn’t even know what I planned to say to him, hoping something would come to me.
My arm was heavy as I lifted it to knock on the door, and I was surprised when it pulled open. “Parker? What’s wrong?” Dad asked, a tremble in his voice. “I saw you walk up.”
“I’m sorry… I don’t know… I just wanted…” My dad. I hadn’t let myself want my father in so long, not wanting to put more pressure or responsibility on him, not wanting to be a burden, but he was my father, and I loved him.
My eyes welled with stupid tears again. I seemed to have an unending supply. Dad’s arms immediately wrapped around me. I collapsed into them, let him hold me and shush me and tell me everything would be okay.
Somehow we got inside and to the couch, where he still kept me in his embrace while I lost it. I felt like I was crying for a million different things, like I couldn’t just settle on one.
We’d never done this—not after Mom died. Not ever, really.
“I messed up so bad. I ruined everything with Elliott, and I hurt his mom. I lied to you. God, what is wrong with me? How could I let all this happen?” I swiped at the wetness on my face.
“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. We can fix it.”
We. Because my father was on my team. He didn’t know what I’d done wrong, and I’d just told him I’d lied to him, yet he was still on my side. “I don’t know if I can. It’s big. Elliott loves his parents and…” The look on Cat’s face…the look on Elliott’s… “I lied to you. Elliott and I, we weren’t in love when we got married. I was feeling like shit about myself and lonely, we were drunk, and he was just…he was so much fun, and he made me feel good about myself, even back then.”
Because he had, hadn’t he? And I’d always enjoyed being around him, soaking up his energy.
“We woke up the next morning, and people had already heard. He was worried about his parents being disappointed, and I didn’t want to make you sad. It felt so easy at the time, to just lie about it. That was wrong. The reasons don’t matter, and I’m sorry we did it.”
He frowned, cocked his head slightly. “You didn’t want me to worry about you.”
No, I hadn’t, but I could have found a better way to deal with it other than lying. “I’m sorry. You deserve better.”
“Parker, don’t you know how much I love you? That I just want you to be happy? I know I’m not always the best at saying how I feel, but you shouldn’t have had to go through that alone. I should have made sure you always know I’m here for you. I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to lie to protect me, or that you can’t come to me if you’re in trouble.”
“Dad…I shouldn’t be in this kind of trouble. I’m too old for this shit.”
He gave me a small smile I couldn’t help but return.
Dad said, “I’m too old for a lot of things I still do too…like living in the past, not fighting for myself and my happiness. I just feel like I don’t know how.”
Hearing that broke my heart. “You can lean on me too, ya know? If you’ll always be there for me, you need to know I’ll always be there for you too.” We’d done a shit job at communicating. Hell, even the fact that we didn’t live that far apart, and yet I went months at a time without seeing him. “We need to do better. We’ll both do better.”