Total pages in book: 179
Estimated words: 167819 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 839(@200wpm)___ 671(@250wpm)___ 559(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 167819 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 839(@200wpm)___ 671(@250wpm)___ 559(@300wpm)
I sit down on the bench with my back to her and open the notebook. To see it’s dated earlier this month.
Dear Diary,
Aug 15th
I saw David again. He rented us a hotel. I arrived first and got ready. I met him at the door dressed in nothing. Just like he had told me to do.
I felt stupid. I don’t know why but I don’t feel what he does. He thinks this is real. But that’s not what it is for me. He’s something to pass the time.
I’ve tried to date guys, but they just can’t give me what I want. They either think I’m fucked up in the head or testing their loyalty.
What’s wrong with a woman wanting a man to use them? Maybe they’re right. I see sex as pleasure. And it should be more of a commitment. That’s what he says anyway.
No matter how hard he fucks me, I’m left feeling hollow afterward. Unsatisfied.
Maybe it’s him, but I think it’s me. He tells me that I’m a whore for wanting more. That when I’m with him—only him—I’m an honest woman. He fucks up my head better than he does my body. That should tell you all you need to know, but what other option do I have?
It’s not the best sex, but it’s better than fucking random men who might skin me alive and toss me into a lake where I’d never be found.
He’s reliable, and I’m his dirty little secret. So I’ll continue to do what he wants even if that means not getting what I want. I’m used to being a secret.
I flip back toward the beginning of the book and see another entry from last summer.
Dear Diary,
May 10th
Sin hates me. Has since we were kids. Too bad I dream about him in the most inappropriate situations. When I started getting myself off, I’d close my eyes and think of him. I’d imagine it was him doing all the nasty and depraved things to me. But I had to stop that. It was just tainting my expectations of what I thought Sin could be capable of if ever given the chance. I’d rather never know that kind of letdown if I’m being honest with myself.
That’s all I have—myself. There’s no one I can talk to about what I’ve done, or who I want. Kira would be so mad at me if she knew I imagined her brother treating me like a piece of meat to use however he wanted. Sin would think I’m crazy, possibly pathetic.
So I’ll keep writing down my thoughts and fantasies as if they were their stories. My fictional characters might as well enjoy themselves.
I close the notebook and look over at her. She’s still sound asleep, tied up with duct tape on her bed.
“Here’s another one. Looks older,” Jayce states, closing a drawer to her desk.
I hold out my hand and he throws it to me. I open the first page. My heart starts to race when I see it’s dated two years ago. The night I was assigned to kill for the Lords.
Dear Diary,
August 12th
A man killed Daddy last night. I think he thought I was going to rat him out. But that wasn’t going to happen. I’m glad he’s dead. He was a sorry son of a bitch who deserved a horrible death. A bullet to the head was kind.
I let the man fuck me with his gun. It was dirty, raw, and therapeutic in a way. Even though it sounds fucked up, I got off on it. I had never come so hard. I hope he knows that I’m not going to say anything and that he comes back to visit me again. Even if it is to kidnap and take me away from here. This life is boring. I’ve always fantasized about wanting more. And I think the masked man can give it to me.
“It’s one thirty,” Jayce announces to the room, getting my attention.
Closing the diary, I stand and walk over to the door, turning her light off. Then I sit down in the seat in the far corner and wait.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SIN
IT’S TWO O’CLOCK on the dot when I hear the front doors open and close. The house is so quiet the sound echoes. There was a reason we had to cut our playtime short at the Freak Show. While in my parents’ kitchen, she had been texting David this morning about coming over tonight. Over my dead body will I allow this dipshit to continue to touch what’s mine. I’ve had my suspicions but wasn’t sure until I saw the pictures that Lincoln gave me. Then to see her tied up in his basement the other night? I couldn’t do anything about it then without giving myself away. I don’t want her knowing it was my cock she came all over.