Total pages in book: 169
Estimated words: 161535 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 808(@200wpm)___ 646(@250wpm)___ 538(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 161535 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 808(@200wpm)___ 646(@250wpm)___ 538(@300wpm)
“You okay?” I venture.
“This just all seems very futile.”
And here Apathy raises his ugly head again. I’m getting used to Kalos’s mood swings, his sudden veering into depression and angst. Haven’t I always been the one to pull David out of the darkness when he was at his lowest? I feel a sad twinge for my lost brother, but I can’t think about that now. I have to focus on Kalos. I lie down next to him, not touching, and look over at him. “You want to talk about it?”
“No.” His flat answer echoes in the room.
Dingle trots over next to my head and nibbles on my hair, and I pull it free from his mouth. “Do you want to change plans? Skip Balsingra?”
“It is a town just like any other,” he states, tone sour. “We will get there, and we keep running, because that is our only option. Either we run and hide, or we let a more aggressive Aspect destroy us and end this farce.”
I reach over and take his hand. “There’s always more options. We just need to be smart and think things through.” He doesn’t pull away from my grasp, and I rub my thumb against his palm, a wave of sympathy for him moving over me. “I know you’re struggling, but you’re not alone. I’m here with you. We’ll get through this together.”
He looks over at me, his expression bleak. “There is nothing to ‘get through.’ All existence is pain.”
How very emo of him. I shoot him a bright smile. “That’s not a very productive mindset for an all-powerful god.”
One corner of his mouth pulls up. “I’m disease and despair, remember?”
I turn on my side to face him, keeping our hands linked. He hasn’t pulled away, so I’m hoping that’s a good sign. “As it was put to me when I agreed to this job, you are disease and decay, but you are also rebirth and renewal. You clear away the old brush to make room for new trees and all that jazz.”
He eyes me. “That is a very rosy perspective of my job.”
“Rosy perspectives are what I do best.” I nudge him with our joined hands. “You don’t have to be the bad guy, you know. You’re allowed to be whatever and whoever you want. There are two sides to your job, yes? Maybe you lean into the rebirth side instead of the pestilence side.”
Kalos just makes a face and returns to staring at the ceiling. “That is what my enemies would love, and that is precisely why I won’t do it.”
Well, I tried. “Look, you be whoever you need to be. I’m not here to change you. I’m just offering some perspective. I’m here to support you, and if that means I get to be the sunshine to your cloud, then so be it.” I notice he hasn’t pulled his hand out of mine just yet and give it another tentative squeeze. “Is it possible that Apathy is what’s causing you to be in a bad mood right now?”
“No, I am quite certain that it’s the presence of Gental.”
Despite myself, I laugh. He sounds so very disgruntled. “Why is it so bad that we’re here when he is?”
His gaze meets mine. “You innocent creature. Did you not hear the man downstairs? Gental is hedonism. It’s going to infect everyone, wait and see. If I start trying to kiss the nearest person, you’ll know he’s nearby and that we should have heeded my warnings to leave the city.”
I sit up, a little worried. Our hands detangle and I notice he watches as I draw my hand back. “What do you mean, he’s going to affect everyone? Does it spread like a plague?”
“Not really.” Dingle goes to nibble on Kalos’s hair. He pulls the goat away with a gentle touch. “Even a fragmented god influences those around him. The nature of being only one Aspect is that we poison the air of those around us. Lies will make everyone around him deceitful. Hedonism will make everyone around him selfish and pleasure-seeking. Arrogance will—”
“I know what arrogance is,” I interrupt. “But…will this affect us, too? I’ve been around you for weeks now and I haven’t been hit with apathy.”
He arches a brow. “Haven’t you? Perhaps you’re just used to ignoring it more.”
That makes me go silent.
Have I? In a way, I guess I have. I’ve been quick to give up on my life back home, pushing David and everything Earth-related out of my mind. I lounged at the temple for a month straight doing nothing at all and ignoring Kalos, telling myself I was doing my job. Even now, the despair of our task threatens to overwhelm me, and it takes everything I have to push it back down.
He’s right. I do get overwhelmed and apathetic, but I’m so used to being productive despite things, to swimming for the shore even when I’m drowning, that I haven’t thought too much about it. I just shove all my feelings aside and get moving again, because that’s the only thing I know how to do. “So being around you makes everyone else depressed?”