Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 121734 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 609(@200wpm)___ 487(@250wpm)___ 406(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121734 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 609(@200wpm)___ 487(@250wpm)___ 406(@300wpm)
He said goodbye, and I sat at my desk, feeling my world slipping out from under my feet. I’d fought for so long to keep hockey out of my life. But now that it was back, I didn’t want anything to take it away again.
I finished my reports and my plan for Meester, and as soon as I was done, I headed for the ice. The team was gone for the day, so it was quiet when I got to the rink. By now, Morty was quite aware of my routine. After the third time of asking him if I could skate since the ice was clean, he told me he always came early to clean the ice, whether it needed a cleaning at five in the morning or not. “Either myself or Benji cleans it. It became a part of my routine when my wife was battling cancer and the kids were in school,” he’d told me. “I used that time to get myself ready for the day. My wife’s been cancer-free for ten years, and my kids are now starting to have their own little ones, but I like that peace in the morning. I’ll be there if you skate or if you don’t, so you don’t have to keep asking me for permission. That ice is there to be skated on, and my job is to keep it clean. Let the ice and me both do our jobs. You can always skate, Miss Rain.”
Hearing that helped. After that, I hit the ice just about any time someone else wasn’t on it.
Today, I had two needs warring inside of me. One was violence, and the other was escape. Hockey could fulfill them both.
For the first, I wanted to feel a hockey stick in my hand, and I wanted to use it to hit the puck as hard into the net as possible. I wanted to do that over and over again. For the other, I needed to skate fast. I needed the world to slip away, and I wasn’t going to stop until my legs gave out.
I linked my earbuds to my phone, tucked it in my pocket, and began.
33
RAIN
Tonight was the Grays’ first game against one of my brothers’ teams since I’d been with them. Everyone was focused on the rivalry between Tyler and Dane so hardly anyone noticed me. They didn’t see how I was a mess in the days before. I had planned for my reaction, and I fully was prepared to spend the evening in my hotel room.
Except I messed up.
I followed my routine without thinking and came to the rink in the morning.
I forgot. I just totally forgot.
Boston had gotten into town the night before, and of course they would have morning skate. It’s what both teams did. How could I have forgotten? I couldn’t explain it, but I did.
I was heading down the hallway to my office when a bunch of the Boston players crossed ahead of me, going to their locker room.
I froze, panic rising. Dread lined my stomach.
Everything happened in slow motion.
Marcus Engler passed, Dane’s best friend, and right behind him—because the two were inseparable—was my brother. He turned back, laughing at something their goalie was saying. He didn’t see me, but he would have if he’d looked down the hallway they were crossing.
My stomach heaved.
I shoved my way into the closest bathroom and emptied anything and everything I’d eaten that morning. I left home when I was eighteen. It’d been twelve years since I’d seen Dane in person. Both of my brothers were NHL stars, so it was almost impossible not to see their faces on anything advertising hockey, but I’d sequestered my life into football. Tom Brady, Jason and Travis Kelce, Tyreek Hill, Pat Mahomes. Those were the faces I encountered over and over again. I was part of that world.
But no longer.
A soft knocking sounded on the door, and I cursed, trying to push myself back to my feet. “Ho—hold on, please.” My legs were unsteady. This happened whenever I was sick like this.
“Rain?” It was Mal. “Someone told me you darted in here. Are you okay? I didn’t think you’d be here today.”
My stomach spasmed, and I got scared I was going to puke again, but then it settled. I let out a breath of relief. Flushing the toilet, I backed up and let myself slide along the wall. Leaning over, I rested my shoulder and the side of my head against the door. “Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“No, but can I come in?” he asked.
I hesitated. “It’s gross in here.”
“You’re my employee. I’m okay with gross. As long as you’re okay.”
“I’m okay.”
“I’d still feel better if you let me come in. Please? Just for a moment. I’d like to get eyes on you, reassure myself.”