Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 79087 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79087 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
The Butcher was helpful, and together we moved the pieces of furniture to the next room. She didn’t comment. There was no judgement, she just accepted it.
As for Victor, I attempted to stay out of my husband’s way, but even that was a challenge. Sometimes I would bump into him. Not on purpose, but he always shouted at me, and said some bad stuff. It was like he thought I was trying to be difficult on purpose. I wasn’t. I did everything I could to avoid him. It was why I stayed in my sewing room, or went outside to work with Rafael. I didn’t want to be a problem.
The truth was, I wanted to be left alone. I hated that he hated me. I don’t even know why he hated me so much, just that he did. There was nothing I could do to make it right.
So, that was why I had snuck into the library. He had a resourceful collection of books. All of my sewing books were back in my sewing room. The Butcher had gone to run some errands. I never asked what she was doing or why she was doing them. I always figured knowing the truth about what she did, was not going to make me happier.
I was a little afraid of what she might say. What if she had spent the afternoon castrating a man? That was not something I wanted to know. She didn’t tell me everything she had done. She had warned me there was a lot she would never tell me. At least she was truthful.
Flicking open one of the classic books, I started to read. Now, I know classics for the time are amazing. I loved most of the ones that had also been made into movies, but I struggled with reading. I also struggled in high school. I tried but it was impossible for me to get into the story. I always felt there was something wrong with me. Other people read them, and were always saying how great the writing was.
Putting the book back on the shelf, I tensed up, as I heard him enter the room. I knew it was Victor because there was a sound he made. It was one that made me think he had the whole world on his shoulders. He’d taken one look at me, and it was like I was his biggest burden in his world. He was pissed off at seeing me. He didn’t want to see me. All I was doing was standing in the library, not harming anyone, yet I heard it in his exhale. He doesn’t want me here. We are husband and wife, and so far, he had been a pretty shitty husband.
I closed the book and slid it on the shelf. Spinning on my heel, I was going to leave the library and not say a word. Even as my heart raced, I saw the glare on his face that told me all I needed to know. He hated me. I had gotten that through my head. To him, I was a horrible human being for even existing.
I got to the door, and he didn’t say a single thing. And then, I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was years of being bullied and accepting the blame for it. Of being told day after day how ugly I was and how disappointing. I don’t know if it was because there was a death threat over my head, or the fact for the past week, every time I had even gotten near him—even accidentally—it had set him off, and he’d shout at me. I was tired of being blamed for something I didn’t do.
“You know what,” I said, speaking aloud. It seemed to echo around the library room. “How dare you!” I had never spoken up for anything. I had just put up with what happened, and dealt with it in that way. “Do you have any idea how hard this is?” I asked. “Not once was I asked if I wanted to marry you, and I get that you’re probably used to women throwing themselves at you, but clearly, they don’t know you, because you are a horrible human being. I didn’t want to be married to you. I was ordered to be here, and now that I am, you hate me. I get it, but I am not running into you on purpose. I am doing everything I can to avoid going near you. Will you please just ... give me a damn break? You hate me, fine, I hate you as well. But, we’re married, so unless we can get a divorce, we’re stuck. Stop treating me like I’m causing you problems. I’m doing everything I can to leave you alone!”
I might have yelled the last part. Anyway, I think I had been pushed to my limit, and I was impressed with myself that I didn’t curse once.