Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 87950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
All thoughts and reason evaporated, however, the second the tender flesh of Matt’s lips brushed against my own. As Matt’s arms wound around my waist, his palms smoothing over the muscles in my back, I sighed into his mouth, pouring my emotions into him. His erection was prominent through his loose sweatpants and without thinking I reached down between us, gripping his cock through the soft material.
That was the move that ruined everything.
Matt jerked back, his mouth agape in shock.
“I should go,” I said, coughing in an effort to clear the lump clogging my throat as I turned for the door.
“Alex no. I just…I’m just not sure what’s going on right now. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I turned back around, unable to look him in the eye. “You haven’t. It’s me. I can’t do this, Matt. Not with you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I felt so damn angry with myself as I practically ran through the utility room door. Why the hell did I let it happen? I’d probably ruined the best friendship I’d ever had beyond repair, lost the man I loved most in the world. There were too many reasons that kiss could never have meant as much to Matt as it did to me. He was grieving, probably feeling lonely and experimenting. He was renowned for being a whore. A commitment-phobe.
Oh yeah, and he was straight.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” I cursed myself, pulling out my cell and punching in the number for the local cab company once I’d escaped through the iron gates guarding Matt’s house, leaving my car, Matt’s car, behind.
Chapter Six
~Matt~
Two weeks later…
“WHERE DO YOU want these?” Sawyer asked, his voice strained as he struggled to carry three large boxes stacked on top of one another.
“Just put ‘em down there,” I said, nodding toward the corner of my office. I sat down in my new black-leather swivel chair, spinning myself around before huffing and planting my head on the walnut desk. “I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing, Saw. We ran out of vodka last night and it was like the whole world ended.”
“Right, dude,” Sawyer said, plopping himself down on the plush brown couch. I could tell by his firm tone that he meant business and I reluctantly raised my head off the desk to give the illusion I was interested in whatever he had to say. “I’ve let it go the past couple of weeks because I thought you were dealing with losing your mum, but enough is enough. Where the fuck is Alex and what the hell is going on between you two?”
Born out of pure frustration, what can only be described as a growl escaped my mouth.
“I kissed him.”
I didn’t need to look at Sawyer to know he was pulling his confused face – the one where he scrunched his nose up like a pig. “I’m sorry, you did what?”
“I said I kissed him.” Exasperated, I slammed my palms down on the desk. “And now he won’t speak to me.” I waited impatiently, drumming my fingers against the desktop, for Sawyer to respond. After a long thirty seconds of silence, I figured he wasn’t going to. “What do I do?”
“Um…”
“You do the whole man-love shabobble, so tell me, why the fuck did I do it?”
“I do the whole man-love shabobble, which I’m pretty sure isn’t a real word by the way, because I’ve always been attracted to men. I just didn’t want to admit it for a long time. Are you telling me you’ve always been attracted to men? Because I’ve gotta tell ya, mate, I never saw that one coming.”
“No!” I answered, shaking my head. “I don’t even know if that’s what this is. Am I attracted to him? I can’t be. I fuck women. It’s always been about the women. Jesus, my head is so screwed up right now.”
After rambling on for a few more minutes I realized I was talking to myself rather than Sawyer as I tried to make sense of things.
“Okay, talk me through exactly what happened. Were you wasted? It is quite possible you’ve imagined the whole thing. You’ve done that before. Remember the time you woke up thinking you’d killed Kip in a bar fight? You even called the police precinct wanting to turn yourself in.”
I laughed humorlessly at the memory. I woke up that day a sweaty and shaking mess, remembering in vivid detail the moment I used an empty bottle of beer to land the fatal blow to Kip’s head. Turned out I dreamt the whole damn thing. “Yeah, and Kip wasn’t even in the country at the time.” The LAPD were not happy with me.
“But believe me this definitely happened.”
Sawyer stretched his neck from side to side and slapped his knees like he was preparing for a fight. “Talk to me, dude. Tell me everything.”