Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 116759 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 584(@200wpm)___ 467(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116759 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 584(@200wpm)___ 467(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
I laughed. “I will.”
Julianne gave me a little wave and then strolled off with a definite swing in her hips.
Smiling to myself, I turned toward the exit and halted abruptly.
Lily stood before me. It was clear by her strained expression she’d seen and heard everything.
Guilt tightened in an ugly knot in my gut.
I felt like I’d been planning to cheat on her.
What the hell?
Lily gave me a small smile. “Hey. I thought I’d come meet you. See how the exam went.”
I swallowed around the sudden thickness in my throat and forced a smile. “It went great. Your flash cards worked a treat.”
“I’m glad.”
I started walking and she fell into step beside me.
An awkward silence settled between us as we strolled out of the building. I sought to fill it. “I thought we’d do lunch at Bubba Qs. You like their burgers, right?”
“I do.”
Glancing down at her, I found her nibbling her bottom lip in thought.
My gut clenched.
Suddenly, Lily looked up, her hazel eyes searching my face. Whatever she found there made her smile soften into something more genuine. She bumped me with her shoulder. “You know we talk about everything except your dating life.” Her tone sounded breezy, natural.
Maybe she wasn’t bothered by my interaction with Julianne. Maybe she was merely surprised by it.
I didn’t know how I felt about that.
“There hasn’t been one in a while.” I shrugged. “I haven’t even been to my studio in weeks. I’m regurgitating the same videos on social media.”
Lily nodded. “Aye, it’s been crazy busy lately.”
More awkward silence I did not like in the least. Lily and I never had awkward silence between us.
“So, the girl?” she asked.
“Julianne.” Did my voice sound strained? “She was nice. She gave me her number.” I flashed my hand at her.
“Old school. Nice.” Her gaze darted away from my hand as if she didn’t want to look at it for too long.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” I found myself assuring her. “If I met up with her, it would be casual.”
“Why doesn’t it ever mean anything?” There was something brittle about Lily’s tone. “It seems strange to me that you grow up in a house with two loving parents—at least during your formative years—but you end up being commitment phobic?”
“It’s just the way I am.”
“Sebastian.”
I exhaled heavily. “Lil, I don’t know why I am the way I am. I know I don’t want that kind of responsibility. And seeing what my parents are going through has only reinforced my belief that relying on one person to make you happy is asking to be destroyed.”
Lily stopped in the middle of the street to gape at me. “You can’t believe that. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean relying on that person to make you happy. That is asking for disappointment. You have to make yourself happy. Aye, you can find a portion of that happiness in the person you love, but being in a relationship is having someone at your side to support you while you find the things that will make you happy on this strange, bloody planet—”
“Lily!” I cut her off, raising my voice. Because what she was saying … it made me want to yank her into my arms and kiss her until neither one of us knew where the other ended.
And I couldn’t.
Not with her.
If it was anyone, it would be her.
But it could never be anyone.
Her lips clamped shut, her eyes wide with hurt.
I reached for her. “I didn’t mean to shout.” When she retreated, it felt like someone punched me in the gut. “Lily, I’m sorry. I’m just tired. Can we … can we drop it and have a nice lunch together?”
She considered me and then nodded tentatively. Yet she kept a physical distance between us as we walked in silence through Old Town toward the Royal Mile. And I hated every millimeter of that distance.
Worse, I loathed the tangled mess inside me that I feared might ruin everything between us one day.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
LILY
As I walked out of my last exam yesterday, I’d felt lighter than I’d felt in a long time. It was only temporary, of course, but it was the start of winter vacation for me. Three whole weeks off and I planned to spend it at my parents’ house. Sierra had already left for the US because her last exam had been three days before mine. Maddie was leaving for Newcastle tomorrow. I would depart tomorrow too, along with the rest of our new group of friends.
I had a pep in my step as we filed into the posh bar on George Street. Maddie and I couldn’t really afford to buy drinks in New Town, but Shaun, Harry, Zac, and Sebastian were adamant the drinks were on them. We argued because we liked to pay our own way, but they insisted it was a Christmas present. Which was kind of sweet.