Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 116759 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 584(@200wpm)___ 467(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116759 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 584(@200wpm)___ 467(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
Hurt, I sneered. “Pathetic? Do you even hear yourself sometimes? I’m not allowed to be infallible? To be human? I have to be the poster child of feminism even while I feel like I’ve lost a limb? Inspiring in my heartbreak to make me worthy of your affection and respect?”
My wee sister’s expression tightened. “I didn’t … I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Didn’t you?”
Uncharacteristic tears brightened Jan’s eyes. “I’m sorry. You’re right. And I’m sorry. I … maybe there’s a part of me that resents Sebastian.”
“For hurting me?”
“That. But … for taking you away.” Her gaze cast downward, and she looked so young and lost.
I sat forward on the couch. “Taking me away?”
“From me.” Jan shrugged. “It started happening when you began uni without me. New friends, new life. Finding the guy who’s the guy is the beginning of everything really changing. I’ll never be your priority again. I know how selfish I am making this about me, believe me. But I hate it, and I hate that he changed you.”
Pushing up off the sofa, I crossed the room to pull my sister into my arms. She embraced me so tightly, it was almost painful. Jan rarely made herself vulnerable. When she did, I wanted to roll her in bubble wrap to protect her from the world. Or at the very least, make her feel safe in sharing her vulnerabilities. “You will always be my priority,” I whispered. “Sisters forever. No one can ever come between that. You could be thousands of miles away on some adventure and we’d still never be apart.”
Jan sniffled as she nodded. Then she gave me one last painful squeeze and released me. She wiped at her nose, her cheeky grin appearing along with her dimples. “Okay, enough cheesiness.”
Sierra and Maddie chuckled, reminding me they were in the room.
“We’re good?” I asked them all.
“We’re good. I’m sorry,” Jan said sincerely.
“I’m sorry too. I know I haven’t been myself lately.”
“And we’re all going to be more patient about that.” Sierra gave Maddie and Jan a stern look before turning to me. Her expression softened, but there was still a hard glint of determination in her eyes. “And we will be patient. But you also have to try to return to the land of the living. No more burying yourself in schoolwork and your dissertation. These are our last few months together,” she reminded me.
Remorseful, I winced. How I felt about the situation with Sebastian had made me forget that we were all going our separate ways after this semester. Four years we’d spent as close as sisters. Even if I had to force myself, I needed to be more present and enjoy what time we had left. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Sierra gave me a relieved nod. “We’re going dancing tonight and you, my gorgeous friend, are coming with us.”
I glanced between them all. While I was tired and dreaded the idea of being in a busy club … I also wanted to get out from under this black cloud. The thought of feeling this depressed for months to come made me want to rock in a dark corner. I had to try to break out of it. It wouldn’t miraculously happen overnight, but baby steps toward it might help.
“Okay. We’re going dancing.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
SEBASTIAN
The lads led me into Cabaret Voltaire on Blair Street, only a two-minute walk from our flat. Upstairs was the café with live music and down in the Vaults was the club. I felt like I’d been in some weird sluggish daze for the past month. While I’d attended a few classes, being around this many people after isolating myself was a bit disconcerting. Between my nerves at seeing Lily again and this, I was nauseated. I didn’t feel like myself at all.
“It’s a drinks’ deal night!” Zac shouted over his shoulder. “That’s why it’s packed!”
Down in the Vaults, I swept the subterranean club as light strobes glanced from dancer to dancer. The techno music was already giving me a headache.
“By the bar!” Harry tapped my shoulder and pointed.
My eyes landed on the crowd around the bar and zeroed in on Lily. Sierra had her head bent toward Lily’s ear and whatever she said made her laugh. A viselike sensation around my chest made it difficult to breathe.
She didn’t look very miserable without me.
What if she wasn’t?
What if she had realized she really was better off without me in her life?
Harry patted me a little hard on the back and urged me through the crowds toward Lily. I couldn’t drag my eyes off her and as I neared, even in the frantic lighting of the club, I could see her earlier amusement was replaced by a dull weariness. It was the same dull weariness I’d heard in her voice on the podcast episode.
Harry pulled Sierra into a hug while Zac nodded hello to Jan and Maddie.