Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 84829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 424(@200wpm)___ 339(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 424(@200wpm)___ 339(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
I paused, and Scott cupped my face, thumbs brushing lightly against the edge of my jaw, encouraging me to continue.
I loved this man. I loved him with an intensity that frightened me. I wanted him above all else.
“He liked to read fantasy. That’s how we started talking––books. He was older, eighteen, and smart but couldn’t afford college, single mother, food stamps…We fell in love.” I breathed deeply. “Long story short, I’d never done anything to disobey my grandparents, but Josh gave me hope. It was like…my love for him opened my eyes to the world. That I could get out of this town. That I could get out from under their control…”
Some people believe living in fear is the worst existence, but I’m here to tell you it’s not. Hopelessness is far worse. Fear urges you to keep fighting. Hopelessness tells you to give up.
“My grandfather randomly came to pick me up one afternoon––although he probably suspected because I couldn’t help the smiles on my face. He saw us sitting together, laughing. He saw Josh kiss me. It was so innocent. He barely touched me.”
I swallowed, pushing all those ancient feelings back down.
“My grandfather dragged me home, told me to get rid of him or he was going to report Josh to the authorities and have him brought up on charges. I was a minor––he explained it to me and I believed him. I was petrified for Josh. He was a gentle, sensitive soul. He couldn’t…
“Anyway…the next day I told him all kinds of things, that I didn’t love him, that he would never be good enough for me. That I knew all he wanted was my virginity and my grandfather was going to have him arrested. It nearly killed me to do it, but I was a pretty good actress. My grandparents had trained me well.”
Hearing it said out loud made me cringe. Not something I was proud of. Then again it had helped me survive.
“He was heartbroken, walked out on the construction job that day…a few days later, I lost it. I was heartbroken too. The only good thing that had ever happened to me was gone, and I had no way of finding him. I got into a fight with my grandfather, the first time ever, screaming and yelling that I was leaving. He pushed me down a flight of stairs.”
Scott’s entire body stiffened, the cords of his neck under my fingertips going taut.
“Broke two ribs. Otherwise I was fine…that’s when I started using my wits. On the way to the hospital, I told him that I was going to press charges, go to the police and show them all the scars. I was going to make sure he went to jail––”
Scott’s face was granite hard, his attention rapt. “And?”
“And then I told him he could buy his freedom. He had to place my college tuition in an account with my name on it––two hundred thousand. I wanted to go to Yale, and he was going to pay for it. I had no intention of living at home and commuting like they wanted me to. He agreed…He never touched me again after that. A year later I was gone for good.”
I learned an invaluable lesson that day. If I could make a deal with that devil, I could make a deal with anyone. A bittersweet smile shaped my lips.
“My grandmother’s lawyer has been after me for the past few months. He couldn’t close escrow on her house until I came to get the last of her things out of the attic––it was a stipulation in the will.”
The look he gave me almost made me laugh.
“I know. I wish I was making this up. Anyway, I found a bunch of letters inside a box. They were from Josh. He’d hidden them in magazines he’d sent me, but my grandmother had found them back then and she’d saved them…his return address is on the envelope.”
Scott’s expression altered in understanding. “You want to go find him.” I could sense he was holding back even though his voice gave no indication.
“I want to make sure he’s okay. I…I know it was a long time ago, but I feel like I owe him an explanation. An apology. That I never thought I was too good for him. That––”
Scott stroked my cheek in comfort. “You should go see him. Go find him.”
I caught a flight out of Philly to El Paso the next morning. Scott had walked me all the way to the gate and kissed me like it was the last kiss we would ever share before I boarded the plane. My chest felt tight when he’d pulled away. I’d begun to miss him before he was even out of my sight. I’d also been seconds from blurting out that I loved him, that I would talk to Josh and be home by dinner, but I’d learned not to make promises I wasn’t certain I could keep.